Flawed Images
by Saunwolfgirl
Summary: Ever wonder why Izaya is so skinny? His desire to control everything, his own body is not an exception. Written for Drrr Kink meme. Expect rating to eventually rise
1. Chapter 1

Written for the Durarara Kink Meme

**Prompt:** One of the other requests mentioned that Izaya is probably so thin because he likes to be in control of everything.

I'd like to see an anorexic Izaya to the point where people start to notice. Then ideally helped out by Shizuo eventually and leading to Shizaya.

Very weird request, I know :x

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara**

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[Izaya]

Walking down the crowded streets, I observed the passers. They all seemed to merge together, just one mass of undefined and imperfect beings. Not one of them managed to stand out, a pity, humanity was so flawed, and still I couldn't resist being intrigued by how it continued to flourish even though it contained so many broken and hideous pieces.

I looked up reaching my destination, and was greeted by strongly accented Japanese.

"Izaya-kun! Welcome, have some sushi, there is a discount today, you order sushi, yes?"

Simon acted friendly most of the time, but I knew that he was someone that you didn't try and mess with. I nodded and gave him my best grin, "Do you have any ootoro in stock?"

"Yes, of course." His voice was ever cheerful, "You will be buying sushi?"

I nodded and walked into the store, and ordered a six-piece set of the delicacy to go. I carried the small white box with me back to my apartment to prepare for the day's clients.

As I walked into my office a felt the piercing gaze from Namie, who was here only because she would be in deep trouble without paychecks via myself.

"You're late; the client is going to be here in 10." She spoke from her desk, sorting through the stack of papers and folders that I had asked her re-organize by date, as alphabetical order was getting boring, and it was fun to see how many pointless tasks I could push her to do.

Placing the box in the fridge, I turned around, "Namieeeee-sannnnnn", I drew out her name because I knew it annoyed her. I pointed to a book shelf on the loft section of my apartment, "Can you replace the files there with the ones you're fixing."

I caught her cheek twitch, "Yes, Orihara-san, where would you like me to put the files on the shelf instead?" She pulled down the neck of her sweater, "And can you please turn on the AC in here, it must be ninety degrees in here, you're a freak for wearing that." She motioned at my fluffy jacket."

I mock pouted, "It's my apartment and I like this temperature, I would prefer not to freeze in my own home."

She mumbled something, "You freaking bastard, wouldn't be surprised if you had some weird disease like acrocyanosis."

Behind me the door buzzer went off and I walked over to open the door. The man who stepped from it looked nervous and resembled a field mouse that had been cornered by a large cat. I threw a flash drive at him and he missed it, and then fumbled around on the floor to get it before getting to his feet and bowing, he mumbled some thank you before scurrying out the door."

I laughed, "The lackeys that people send are getting more and more pathetic."

I pulled my jacket off and threw it at Namie who was still sitting at her desk. The jacket hit her desk and a bunch of the papers went flying. She looked up at me with an annoyed look but said nothing as she picked up the jacket and walked to hand it up in the closet.

I sat in my swivel chair and spun to watch the little people moving like ants in the streets. I spun back around to find myself face to face with Namie, I thought she was going to hit me for a moment, but she took a forced deep breath and walked away but did say, "That shirt is way too big for you."

My giddy smile fell, and I looked down and pulled at the fabric of the shirt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara**

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[Izaya]

I stopped moving for a moment and finally let go of the fabric as I noticed that my knuckles were turning white, it was a little late for a comeback so I settled for ignoring Namie and turned to my computer.

Ah, the internet was a wonderful thing, you could be anyone you wanted and no one would be the wiser. No one would guess that I wasn't actually a high school girl unless they saw my face, it was so funny how people just sold themselves and totally opened up to random strangers with only a tiny bit of coaxing.

Sifting through my inbox was such a mundane task, while it was fun to play with a group for a while, they all ended up doing the same things. _Everyone is so, alike. _ I needed to find someone who stood out from this mindless human herd, someone to distract me from this boring world. It was rather boring being able to love all of humanity, and yet not having them even remotely understand it.

A loud bang of folders being slammed down on a desk made me look up, Namie was leaving. My eyes slid to a clock, exactly her break time, and I didn't doubt that she would return exactly on time, as annoying as she was, it was fun to mess with her, and she was a very punctual assistant.

As she left the office, I got up and walked back to fridge and set the sushi on a plate to eat. I resisted the temptation to toss a whole piece into my mouth, and instead pulled out my blade and quickly sliced up one of the bite sized pieces of fish. It fell over into paper thin slices and I lifted the sliced to my mouth and felt it fizzling on my tongue. I licked my lips and devoured the rest of the slices. Looking at the other pieces of the fatty tuna I suddenly felt sick, and quickly swept them into the garbage.

Orihara Izaya wasn't going to scum to something as low as becoming a glutton.

I grabbed my jacket from the closet and walked out of my apartment and started walking out of Shinjuku and towards Ikebukuro. There was one person who I didn't think I would ever get tired of testing, Heiwajima Shizuo. He was a brute and probably simply lacked the brain to actually think about anything, but either way, unlike the others of this city he always reacted to things differently.

I started skipping upon entering the busy streets of Ikebukuro looking for his signature bar tender suit. Normally people would try and mock someone who dressed so oddly, but Shizu-chan's reputation for his temper preceded him and instead would-be mockers usually fled.

"IIII-ZAA-YAAAAA!"

I heard an ever familiar yell and saw a shadow fast approaching me from behind. I ducked immediately and felt something metallic brush the tips of the hair on the top of my head. I stood and let a devilish grin spread across my face as I turned in the direction the vending machine had come from. People had begun to avoid the area between Shizu-chan and me.

I flipped my blade in front of me and looked up toward Shizu-chan, fun as it was to play with him, there was no way that I could ever fair long in close combat with Shizu-chan. "Ahh, Shizu-chan is so mean! And I came all this way just to see you." I directed my attention to the crushed vending machine behind me, "It's really a wonder there are still any of these left in the city, really _Shizu-chan_ you really must learn to control your anger." I put emphasis on the nickname I knew he hated, and kept a snarky tone.

"Flea! I thought I said that I didn't wanna see your face in Ikebukuro anymore!" He crushed the cigarette he was smoking under his foot.

I got ready to start sprinting; this habit of Shizu-chan's was a sure sign that he had totally lost control over his rage. _Shizu-chan really needs some anger management._ He reached to his side and ripped a stop sign from its concrete base and started charging me.

"I'm gonna crush you flea!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara**

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[Izaya]

I started laughing as I turned and darted around the corner into an alleyway. The end of the alleyway was blocked by a tall wire fence. As I neared the fence I jumped and grabbed onto the fence, a push from my legs and I grabbed the top railing and vaulted over the fence without losing any speed I made sure to bend my knees at they met the hard impact of asphalt and continued down the street. As I rounded out of the alleyway, I heard Shizu-chan running straight through the fence and the sound of metal clanging to the ground.

We were on a back street now and only a couple of people walked around, and they quickly made their way to the more crowded main street as they saw us coming. I heard the air whistle behind me and dodged just a second too late and felt as the sharp edge of the metal sign bit through my jacket and sliced into my shoulder. The shock stopped me from feeling anything for a second, but it also stopped me from being able to move. As I turned around I was hit in the chest with a solid punch that sent me flying down the street; as I hit the ground I felt all the air pushed out of my body.

Something was way off about this. I had been breathing way too hard from that small chase and I was seeing stars right now. I had been hit by Shizu-chan many times before, and yes, it hurt, a lot, but I had always been able to get back up and retaliate. For some reason though, my body wasn't listening to me, and I couldn't seem to clear my head.

I felt myself rising off the ground, and could only assume that Shizu-chan was pulling up by my shirt to get a good punch at my face.

"That all you got flea? Ha, I'm gonna beat you until I get it through your head not to show your stupid face in my town." He breathed out, and smoke scented air hit me in the face, I managed a small cough.

I blink my eyes again and again attempting to clear the blackness that was slowly covering them, but it was no use. My vision slipped away and Shizu-chan's voice sounded foggy. I used the last of my energy to give a laugh, and then everything slipped away.

[Shizuo]

I was just about to punch the stupid flea's face in when he just suddenly went totally limp. No cocky smile or come back, he was totally silent and his eyes seemed glazed over.

Something was off with the flea today; usually it wasn't this easy to catch him and he usually got up when I hit him. I was betting that this was some kind of trick the flea was pulling to try and escape. He probably knew that there was no way his little form would last in a real fight. I shook the flea, "Don't even try some stupid trick on me you louse!"

His knife slipped from his hand and landed on the ground with a metallic twang, and that was when I decided that the flea wasn't faking. There was no way he would just drop his only means of defense. I looked down and noticed that I was actually holding the flea completely off the ground; he was so light that I hadn't even noticed that I had actually been holding his full weight.

For some reason I didn't really have the urge to kill the flea, when he was like this nice and quiet, I didn't really mind him. I took a deep breath and knew I would be regretting this decision. I knew that I should just leave him here and be done with it, but for some stupid reason I threw the flea over my shoulder and made my way to Shinra's apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara**

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[Izaya]

I woke up in a familiar room, and groaned at the bright lights of Shinra's apartment blinded me. I was lying on the sofa without a shirt or my jacket; I turned my head and Shizu-chan sitting with his back to be drinking something, and Shinra walking over towards me.

"Ah, Izaya, good to see you're alive." He was smiley and peppy as usual.

I pushed myself into a sitting position, and cringed as a sharp pain twisted in my chest and shoulder, breathing hurt, "What the hell happened?" I eyed Shizu-chan's back warily, in case he decided to try and toss a refrigerator or something at me not that I thought I could actually dodge anything in this state.

Shinra took a seat on the couch perpendicular to the one I was sitting on, "Well." He put on a more serious face, and I could almost actually believe he was a doctor, "I don't really know the whole story since Shizuo didn't say much on the matter, but I can tell you that you have multiple fractures along your collar bone and ribs. The cut on your shoulder is fine and as long as you don't go swinging it around too much it should heal fine, since it was a very clean cut."

Every time my lungs had to fill with air felt like I was being stabbed repetitively, I turned my head to quickly to face Shinra and was assaulted by another sharp pain, "Arg". My breathing turned forced.

Shinra quickly got up and returned with a bottle of small blue pills and a glass of water.

I grabbed the pills with my good arm, and after throwing them in my mouth I swallowed the water. Almost immediately I felt the pain fading, but my awareness also dimmed. Things seemed fuzzy and muffled, but at least it didn't hurt to breath.

"Those are pretty strong tranquillizers and your body will build up a resistance to them really fast so no more than two doses a day." Shinra stated matter-of-factly, before turning to Shizu-chan, "So is anyone going to tell me the story behind this?" He threw his hands in the air dramatically.

"I threw a sign at the flea, and missed and then I got one good punch in before the louse passed out on me." Shizu-chan grumbled.

Shinra took on a thoughtful look, "That's it? There really should be that much damage." He turned and looked at me, "Are you eating alright?"

I didn't meet his gaze, "Of course." I felt like my voice sounded weird.

He sighed in a way that signaled he wasn't going to push the subject any farther, "I'll give you some calcium supplement then because your bone density must be little low, and you look a little on the thin side. Try and eat a little more if you have the time."

I swallowed, and turned my gaze away from Shinra and Shizu-chan who had finally decided to turn around, "Anyway, I have my clothes back? It's freezing in here."

"Are you crazy?" Shizu-chan's voice sounded really muffled, "It's the middle of summer and you're cold?"

"Yes, actually I am." I spat at him, my voice sounded a little slurred though, "Now, will someone please give me my clothes before I freeze to death."

Shizu-chan got up and threw my shirt and jacket at me. I felt a dull pain when the contacted my chest, but that was it. I was careful with my shoulder while I dressed, and then pulled my fur jacket closer around me.

Shinra held out a bag to me, "There are some calcium supplements, and more of the pain killers. Only 1 every 12 hrs or you'll be on the ground and your heart might stop."

I tried to stand up, and had to fall rather ungracefully back onto the couch, "What did you give me Shinra?"

"Two of the pain killers, at least now you'll know what I meant when I said only take one at a time from now on, and for no more than two weeks, you can keep taking the supplements though." He turned to Shizu-chan and made a rather nervous face, "So Shizuo, I need you to do me a favor."

I looked at Shinra, "No way."

"Well how else do you expect to get home?"

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I find it necessary to mention that...Shinra is almost therapeutic to write, I love his persona ^_^


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara**

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[Izaya]

I gave Shinra an icy glare, "I can walk by myself, just give me a minute. Besides," I looked at Shizu-chan, "He's more likely to kill me than help me get home."

Shinra turned to Shizu-chan and gave him a pleading look, Shizu-chan didn't look to pleased with the idea either, "How about if you think of it like, giving back to the world?" He tried, "It'll help karma from coming after you."

"What the hell is a karma?" Shizu-chan asked in a gruff voice.

"It's a balance in the world, basically if you do good things, good things will happen. Like maybe if you help him, Izaya won't bother you for a while?" Shinra shot me a look from the corner of his eyes.

I huffed and looked away. I tried again to stand up, and this time I made it my feet and started walking to the door, "I can get home by my fucking self." I had to drag myself to move at all, and every movement sent up a dull ripple of pain that started growing more and more intense with every step I took forward. My breathing was coming rapid, something was definitely screwed up; these weren't even severe injuries and yet, I was completely exhausted. I stumbled.

A strong arm caught me around the waist and it sent a large ripple of dull throbbing throughout my ribcage. My breath hitched from the sudden shock and added pain.

"Fucking flea, I know I'm gonna regret this one." Shizu-chan said as he lofted me over one of his shoulders.

I winced from the sudden jolted movements, "Shizu-chan~" I tisked at him, "You should treat the injured better."

Shizu-chan shifted me, looking like he was making it easier for him to carry me, but I was pretty damn sure that it was on purpose. I sighed and decided to just deal with this situation and see how things played out. I shot Shinra the iciest glare that I could muster, I don't care how many times he's helped me with other injuries, he was going to pay, and pay hard for this traitorous act.

He gave me a nervous smile, "Thank you so, so, so, much Shizuo." And bowed.

Shizu-chan grunted.

Shinra handed Shizu-chan the bag with the medicine in it, "Try to stay off main roads, since this looks a little…strange."

Shizu-chan nodded and walked out of Shinra's apartment.

[Shizuo]

I was surprised that the flea didn't have any stupid remarks during our trip from Shinra's apartment. Since the flea wasn't talking, it wasn't actually too bad. He was actually really light, maybe a little too light, but I didn't really care, I just wanted to get this over with, it was a waste of my day off.

Anyway I was basically done with this now standing inside the flea's apartment was sorta pissing me off. That a rotten guy like him would live this kind of perfect lifestyle was really annoying, I was also a little interested, since I'd never really been in such a high class place before; the rent for this place was probably more per month that I would ever earn in my life.

I put the flea on the sofa, he groaned as I shifted him on to the leather seat. I saw something on the table; it looked like a note of some sort. "There's a note on your table flea."

He pulled himself up into a sitting position and was blinking his eyes a lot, "What does it say?" His voice sounded groggy and tired.

I leaned over the table to read the writing, which was extremely neat, "Cancelled today's appointments, reschedule them yourself. I'm leaving now. N." I looked at Izaya who seemed pale and weirdly fragile without his snarky grin, "Who's N?"

"Secretary." He pouted a bit, "I don't think she's all too fond of me. Anyways, can you throw out that note and leave the drugs in the kitchen or something?" He pointed behind him to the kitchen area as if I were too stupid to have seen it.

I grabbed the note and walked over and opened the garbage can, upon seeing what was in it I said, "What the fuck flea!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

Shizu-chan's yelling only accentuated the ringing and pounding headache that was settling over me. Having had the sun beating down on me on top of being held upside down just was not making me feel very good. I tilted my head towards Shizu-chan and his swearing, "What the hell is it now? You can go and leave me in peace and quiet now." _Seriously Shizu-chan this is getting annoying, get the hell out of my house. _

"Just because you're rich and shit doesn't mean you can just throw away food like this." Shizu-chan was only a dozen feet away from my and yet still felt the need to yell.

"_Shizu-channnnnn_. Can you please tone your voice down? Honestly, there really isn't a need for such a cacophony within my apartment."

A sharp high pitched beep broke through the air as Shizu-chan's phone received a message. He huffed reading it.

"Oi! Flea, Shinra says to make sure to take your meds with food, so shove something down your throat, Shinra wants me to make sure you don't skip out on the pills." Shizu-chan was still yelling, did that brute not understand how to speak in a normal manner?

I pulled myself to my feet and had to lean on the sofa when my vision suddenly went black for a second, but it cleared and I was able to, with much difficulty, to make it to the kitchen and lean on the countertop to get my breath back. "I can feed myself, and with a headache like this, which your yelling is not improving by the way, there is no way I will skip my medications. Now kindly leave my house!" I regretted raising my voice as it only made the ringing in my head even worse, I groaned and clutched my head.

I moved forward to grope for the pills, but Shizu-chan moved them out of my reach, I gave him a glare.

"You have to eat first or you'll get even sicker." He told me.

"Not hungry, just give me the damn pills and get out." I was losing my temper and not thinking much, my head was hurting like crazy and things were starting to get hazy.

Shizu-chan went into my fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread and dumped it on the table, "Just eat something flea and I'll leave."

I gave Shizu-chan the iciest glare I could muster, but I had a feeling that it wasn't as intimidating as I wanted it to be. My face felt flushed and I was really tired, I really wasn't in a condition to do much, so I decided against annoying Shizu-chan, for now, and grabbed a slice of the bread. _Yuck, carbs and nothing else_.

I sat down on the floor because I was too tired to move all the way to a chair, and started pulling bread into tiny pieces before putting them into my mouth.

Shizu-chan sighed above me, "You look like some little kid picking at your food like this."

Shizu-chan was towering over me, and I had to crane my neck to look up at him, "Shut up, and why are you so fucking tall."

He sighed like the way you would to a small child's antics and knelt down with a glass of water and one of the blue pills in his hand, this one was oval shaped unlike the first one I had taken. "Shinra said these were less potent so you can take one to stop the headache. It causes drowsiness though."

I didn't really care, and just grabbed the pill and washed it down was a small sip of water. I still felt flushed and was sweating a bit, and yet I was still cold.

Shizu-chan moved to get up and I reached up to grab the end of his sleeve before he could get away, but my vision was still a little foggy and I missed, and for some reason I wished if only for a second, that Shizu-chan would turn back around.

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Thanks for the reviews ^^ I'll do my best to fix the majority of the grammar mistakes


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

I pushed that thought out of my mind, what did I care about Shizu-chan for, other than trying to mess with him, all I wanted right now was to take a long nap.

Shizu-chan scratched the back of his head again, "I'm leavin' now, flea."

"Finally." I muttered. It was so out of character for me to be like this, and of course it would be Shizu-chan, then one man in all of humanity that I just could not stand who had to see me like this; sickening.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Shizu-chan finally left my apartment; it felt like he had been watching me way too much. I enjoyed observing other humans and watching how they reacted to the little and the bigger things in like, but when someone stared at me like that, it just bothered me. Whatever it was I had taken seemed to have done its job and my head wasn't ringing, and I able to pull myself back up.

I stood in the bathroom, and turned the tap on the bathtub before stripping down. While waiting for the tub to fill I looked into the mirror that covered a full wall across from the bathtub. I sighed at the spreading bruises that traversed my chest and back. My fingers brushed across the bandages around my shoulder, met with no sharp pain I decided to take the bandages off. The wound is shallow and scabbed over already, it looks to be in good shape, definitely not infected; I hoped it would heal without a scar. I was sighing way too much today, but I really couldn't help it, nothing was meeting my expectations lately.

My body seemed distorted in its reflection, and I was glad when the steam caused by the hot water in the bathtub caused my image to fog over. If I wanted to ascend, if I wanted to be able to truly love all of humanity, didn't I need to be at the utmost perfection myself? The bulky and distorted image I saw in the reflection would never cut it, this flawed image. But of course, who would I be, if I couldn't find a way to fix this small dilemma.

The water in the tub felt good against the dull throbbing throughout my body, and I was finally able to relax for a while. I didn't want to sit in the bathtub for too long though, no matter how good the water felt, hot water was terror for one's skin, so I did a quick scrub of my body and stepped out quickly. I pulled on a pair of boxers and basically passed out on my bed; I was glad Namie had bothered to cancel my appointments.

[Shizuo]

I sighed, _such a waste of my day off._

Leave it to the flea to be such a pain in the ass even when he was near dead. Although, I had to say, he was a lot less annoying than usual. I was chalking to up to the fact that the flea had been in pretty bad shape, but something was really off about the flea today. I really think it's his eyes. That freaky color is usually always watching and observing and it's like the flea is just waiting to see if I'm gonna fuck something up. But today, they seemed more dulled over, heh I guess I prefer the flea drugged up.

Shinra's message was also bugging me. He must have repeated the part about making the louse eat a couple of times, I couldn't tell whether he was just hyper or if he thought I couldn't get the idea the first time around.

At least the louse would be out of my hair for a couple of days.

I pulled out my phone to tell Shinra that I was done with the louse and his little issues.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

I woke up to a loud banging, and groggily sat up rubbing my eyes.

"It seems like you're still alive, pity." A monotone female voice said, "I was hoping that I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore."

"As kind as always, Namie-san; you do realize that I pay you right?" My various aches were catching up with me with a vengeance, where were those drugs?

"Not nearly enough." She mumbled under her breath, walking away from the door to my "bedroom" she said, "Put on some clothes would you?"

I averted my gaze from her even though Namie had already left the room, and scurried to find some clothes. This was only my office and I didn't have a full wardrobe here but I found something presentable; most of my clothes looked the same anyways. Long pants and long sleeves, not too tight or flashy, I was an information and I didn't like to draw attention to myself when it would be better to blend in with the masses. Little did they know such a superior being was walking among them, someone with the capacity to love all of humanity, except that barbarian Shizu-chan.

Must be karma that _he_ would be the one to see me in a condition like that, never mind that he had been the cause.

I wandered back out into the main open space of my office and spotted the pill bottle on the kitchen table. Picking out a pill from it I said out loud to Namie who was sitting at her desk, "You didn't poison anything did you?"

"Hm? I wonder if I didn't?" Was the mumbled response.

I sighed and decided to take the chance since the various pains where transitioning from dull aches into more sharp pain. I was really hoping that nothing was actually broken, I didn't really have that much time to sit around and wait for bones to heal, I wonder if gods have to wait like this? Or if these types of mortal injuries don't affect them?

Either way, there were clients I needed to talk to. Most of them were small organizations that were fun for a while but in the end never really provided efficient entertainment; some however, had very large and powerful people backing them, who even I had to tread carefully with. Like Shiki-san for instance, who was specialized to talk with me, but he had one of the strongest yakuza gangs behind him. I doubted he would happy with the fact that I had suddenly and without reason cancelled our meeting yesterday. In fact I was surprised he hadn't come looking for me.

A buzzer sounded. Damn he had some sense of timing. Namie got up to let Shiki-san into the office and he strolled into the room in a far too comfortable manner.

"Ah, Shiki-san I really wish you wouldn't do that." I said as he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, "I just finally got the scent of that away from me." I shrugged my shoulders when he shot be an annoyed glance.

I moved and sat down on the sofa across from him and leaned back. I nearly cringed from the pain in my ribs; things like this usually didn't take this long to heal, my body seemed to slow down lately. I would have to cut back a bit more if my metabolism slowed too.

"I don't really care about anything that happened to you." He was curt and business like today, too bad, sometimes when Shiki-san was in a better mood I could scrap some information out of him. "I just want to know if you have anything on the new smuggling operations that picked up."

"Hm?" I faked a thoughtful look, "I guess you mean the new biological trade that's being established?"

"So you do know something about them. Biological is all the info we got, we want to know exactly what that means they're sending in."

"Because you're worried that it'll interfere with your own business enterprises?" I chuckled softly, Shiki-san didn't look too amused, I decided not to push my luck, "They're trading children, probably off the streets most likely for slaves or the like for some new kind of drug; highly addictive, expensive, and eventually fatal."

"I hope they'll have enough sense to stay out of our way, I don't care much about the drugs, but that's gross selling kids like that." Shiki-san sighed and threw a few wads of money on the table, "I guess that's it for today."

He stood up and looked back at me again, "Tch. Kids these days, how the hell you stay alive looking so scrawny like that I don't understand. Build some muscle kid."

"I much prefer my slim form, thank you very much." I said in a slightly haughty voice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

After Shiki-san left I relaxed a little bit. What was it with everyone lately? Why the sudden interest in my body, I didn't really like it when people stared and observed me that much.

_Hypocrite._My mind says.

I don't care it's one this for me to observe humans, but that's only because I love them so much, when one truly has feelings for another then the only proper thing to do would be to try and learn as much as possible about them, right?

But for people to be scrutinizing me before I can reach my utmost level of perfection just won't work out.

With that out of the way, I was able to get back online and deal with most of my other clients, and have some fun. I couldn't help laughing at how easily I could convince people that I was some totally different persona; too bad that most humans were so easy to fool and reacted in the same way. There was a comfort in that though, that I would be sure how they would react, in a mass. Those few who managed to do something new to react in a way that I couldn't possible foresee, that was just so much fun. Fun to test them, fun to keep pushing them, fun to see how far they could go, how much they could evolve to keep me forever entertained.

Shizu-chan was an exception to that. His brain was just so simple that he couldn't figure out a remotely intelligent way to approach anything, while he was fun to piss off; he was just so damn stupid.

[Shizuo]

Being back at work was almost calming. _Almost._ If every single person didn't have some pathetic sob story to tell, I really did get them, what was so hard about just paying back what they owed. If they had enough time to make up some dumb-ass story they should have enough time to go out and get a decent job, or at least one to pay up.

I should know, since I've been through so many jobs. I blame the flea for most of the times I've been fired, but it was my own fault for not having a good hold on my anger some of those times. It was a little easier now, since it didn't matter if I scared the "clients" a little, and I was getting a bit better idea on how to deal with my emotions. Or at least to notice when I was about to go over the edge, sometimes of course I just ignored that and went all out.

I could tell that the flea wasn't in Ikebukuro. I didn't have that heavy feeling; the city just seemed lighter when not being haunted by that creep. There was no reek of that useless flea in the air. And I was pretty glad that the flea was stuck at home, especially since I had been the one who had put him there; felt good to put the flea in his place once in a while.

After a couple of days without seeing the flea, I had to admit. It was kinda creepy. Plus, throwing stuff at him was a good outlet for my anger.

I didn't really care how the flea was or anything. I bet he was sitting in his freakishly high scale apartment screwing people over from above. That was all that louse was good for, a good target, annoying that he kept moving around.

What had happened before was just proof that the louse was nothing more than a pathetic kid. He couldn't last in a real fight, getting a few good hits in felt pretty good. But somehow, not as good as I thought it would have felt. Something about fighting someone who couldn't fight back made me feel like…I was doin' something wrong.

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Reading through this again...I go pretty comma crazy don't I?


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

It felt like Namie was watching me more than ever. During meetings with clients she glared at me from the corner of her eye when she placed refreshments on the table. It was obvious that was trying to see if I would eat. I swear the woman is trying to fatten me up, maybe for some new freakish experiment once she gets her organization back to safety.

I did manage do get some substance down my throat, if only to make her stop watching me so intently. Every time, I had to fight down the urge to throw everything I had eaten back up. I wouldn't go that far, something so disgusting like that was below me, far below me.

After a few days, I was still not really getting any better. I think it from being here stuck with my crabby assistant for three days. I pushed the papers in front of me and the keyboard away from me and stood up.

"I'm going out for a bit. Finish organizing that for me and then you can leave for the day I guess. Don't even try to go through my files by the way; I just re-did all of my security systems." I waved grabbing my usual coat, not caring that it was in fact rather warm today, it felt cold to me.

"Please die." Was her only response as I left the apartment, I could see that Namie-san still wasn't fond of me, too bad, since was rather interesting.

It felt better to be outside, Shinjuku was a richer part of the city so it was somewhat cleaner than some other streets would be, and even so the air wasn't very clean. I had the urge to have some fun after being cooped up for so long. Why not visit my old high school colleague, Shizu-chan never failed to be entertaining, even if his Neanderthal level brains did annoy me.

It was somewhat annoying on the streets because humans were always so caught up in the moment, they didn't even bother to look up and acknowledge the superior being that was walking among them. Something in me was whispering out _"look at me"_, I couldn't stand being scrutinized, but being so ignored was painful.

It was like that often though with love, the other never seems realize how much they are being given. I abhor being ignored like that, and I can't wait to find Shizu-chan and put on a nice show for them. Let them see us and see how above the rest of them I am, and how lucky they are that I am adept enough to love humanity the way I do.

I blame it on the slow healing injuries that I'm notable more tired than usual by the time I get into Ikebukuro, but I know that I don't even have to look for Shizu-chan, he always seems to be able to find me, even when I wish that he wouldn't. I'm only proved that to be true when I hear an ever familiar yell echoing down the crowed street. It's a well know voice to the humans of this city. It's amazing how they so simply accept this as part of life and continue on with their travel, doing little more than avoiding the space between Shizu-chan and myself.

[Shizuo]

The feeling of the flea is something that I will never miss. I never fail to notice the second the fucking flea sets foot into my part of town. Can't even remember how many times that I've told the flea to fucking stay away, he just never learns.

All the pent up rage from the last few days has finally found its outlet and I don't even notice ripping out the sign until I see it flying towards the flea, and I catch his freaky red eyes glowing and that obnoxious smirk across his face as he dodges out of the way with a small step.

Pisses me off how he dodges everything by that tiny amount. Less than an centimeter from getting a good hit in.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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[Shizuo]

His dodging is much better than it was the last time we fought, but it was still notably slower than it usually was.

The flea is shouting something useless and swinging his little blade around like it's somehow gonna stop me from trying to kill the louse for good. I don't even bother to pay attention to whatever the hell it is he's blabbering about. Probably something useless or he's being a smart ass and trying to confuse the hell out of me again.

I've realized that ignoring the flea would probably be more useful than going all out and trying to kill him all the time and I'm well aware that this is probably exactly what he wants. But I really can't stand that snarky smirk that the flea always has plastered on his face.

"I thought I told you never to show your face in Ikebukuro again!" I was really angry at the flea right now.

"Ahh, Shizu-chan is so mean." His mocking tone continued, "Just try to catch me this time."

And the louse actually had the guts to stick his tongue at me, before taking off down the street.

I took off right after him; no way was the flea getting away with anything this time.

[Izaya]

Shizu-chan's thundering stomping followed closely behind me, there was no way I could let up and stay ahead of him. I took back roads because they were narrower and it was much easier for my smaller form to maneuver than it was for Shizu-chan and his Neanderthal sized build. Even knocking down every trash can into Shizu-chan's way wasn't giving me much of an edge.

Any other idiot would try to dodge the objects in front of their path; only Shizu-chan would just plow straight through them, and probably not even notice.

I heard the sound of something large being uprooted, and could only expect it be aimed at my person in short time.

I must admit that it is somewhat of a gamble taking only back roads and alley-ways while being chased by the "strongest man in Ikebukuro", but it was a game that I couldn't see myself ever tiring of. Shizu-chan truly was a monster though; even I couldn't understand where his inhuman strength came from. He did somehow manage to get in the way of many of my plans, so I would mind all that much if he just dropped dead.

Something heavy flew over my head, I dodged it just enough to save my head, and rounded a corner. Out of the corner of my eye I saw what had once been an air conditioning unit in a crumpled mass against the wall. I picked up my pace and ignored the muscle pains in my legs, this next alley had an old fire escape on the wall, and the ladder was close enough to reach.

I leapt and found a solid grasp on the ladder which creaked with my weight. It was old and rusty but it would probably be able to support me long enough for me to reach the roof. I was half way up the first set of narrow stairs when I felt the entire structure tilt.

_Shizu-chan you protozoan brained idiot, you are not attempting to climb this after me!_

I turned to see him standing on the first level, his grip warping the flimsy metal. Above me the bolts attaching the fire escape to the building strained and began to snap. The entire structure shook and dropped a little with each lumbering step Shizu-chan took.

I had time to shoot Shizu-chan an attempted pissed off look, even though I was scared out of my wits, before the entire structure was ripped from the wall under our weight; everything fell towards the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

I closed my eyes as that second of weightlessness hit, and brace myself for impact with the ground and twisted metal structure. I felt my body falling over the stair railing and bit my lips. I was not going to scream like a little girl in front of Shizu-chan, even if I was dying.

[Shizuo]

Pulling myself up was easier than I thought it would be, I guess I was getting pretty good at doing weird tricks like this from all the years of hunting the flea down.

The flea totally stopped when I stood up on the old fire escape. It hadn't really occurred to me that this may not have been the strongest thing in Ikebukuro, or that it might not be too happy about holding up against my rage. I was just really focused on catching that stupid flea.

It finally occurred to me that this structure wasn't going to hold my weight when the flea shot me a look. It might have been intended to look vicious, but I seen too many fights and I knew that look. Terror, and little more; if I hadn't been stuck in this situation then I probably would have taken some time to enjoy the flea looking scared like that.

I saw him cringe and then the entire structure detached itself from the wall and tilted forward before crashing straight down.

[Izaya]

I landed in a pile of twisted metal and brick dust.

Honestly, I think I would have preferred to have landed in pile of broken jagged metal. I wouldn't have minded being skewered through with a rusty railing. Anything could have been better than my current position; which would be on top of Shizu-chan, in what can only be described as an awkward and borderline sexual position.

It was a softer landing than I had been expecting, but this…was. Not. Good. In fact it was very bad. While I had landed on Shizu-chan a large portion of the fire escape had landed on me and I now pinned down on top of the strongest man in Ikebukuro, who was really in a mood to kill me.

While I was taking a moment to try and catalogue my various injuries, which thankfully didn't seem to be too severe, I felt Shizu-chan shift under me.

As he sits up the rubble around us shifts, and I slide down to be straddling one of Shizu-chan's legs. I feel myself blackout for a second from sitting up so quickly and end up falling forward into Shizu-chan's chest.

It is not romantic in the least, because that monster has muscles of I-don't-even-know-what, and it's like falling into a cement wall; a cement wall that could rip you in half at a whim. Too bad I could barely see through the stars I was seeing, much less get my legs to move, this was an interesting situation. I was wondering how I going to get out of it, since there was no way Orihara Izaya would be killed by something like this.

"That kinda hurt." Shizu-chan mumbles.

"You just fell like four meters and were then crushed by a falling fire escape, and that's all you felt!" Oops….that was a thought I shouldn't have voiced, might as well go with it. I had to take a moment to catch my breath, "You really are something, Shizu-chan."

"What the fuck flea?" He roared at me, our current position finally clicking in his protozoan sized brain.

"Yes, I would happily move, but as you see Shizu-chan, I'm somewhat, TRAPPED UNDER THE FIRE ESCAPE YOU RIPPED OFF THE WALL!" Raising my voice was making me even more light headed, and I blame this for the actions I was going to commit. A smirk crossed my face, and I looked up, still slightly dazed, at Shizu-chan. _Now I REALLY know how to make this fun._

I leaned upwards and had to hope a little since my vision wasn't perfect yet, and pressed my lips to Shizu-chan's. _Now this was going to be an interesting game._


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Shizuo]

I felt that hangover feeling sinking into my head after plummeting to the ground. I pushed myself upright and rubbed the back of my head to feel for damage, and luckily I didn't find anything, though I figured that I would be sore later.

I heard a soft 'oomph' below me and saw the flea half pass out on top of me. The flea managed to pull himself back up, and started complaining about something. I kinda freaked as to why the hell the flea was on top of me and raised my voice to him, but he beat me too it and started yelling about me ripping the fire escape off the wall and what not. He shut up pretty quickly to my surprise, though.

Before I could get around to really yelling at him to get the hell off me so I could kill him, the fucking flea kissed me.

Immediately my whole body tensed up, and even after he pulled away I couldn't say anything from the shock. The stupid flea was giving me his usual smirk as he took my moment of confusion to try and make an escape. Unfortunately for the flea, he was still mostly trapped under the rubble and his smaller body wasn't able to completely free itself from the mass of twisted metal and brick. The flea and his stupid Eskimo jacket got caught on a piece of the railing that was sticking up.

I got up behind the flea and the shifting rubble caused him to fall over and he probably would have impaled himself on the sharp metal, but I managed to grab the back of his shirt in time. It wasn't that I wanted to save the flea; it was just reflex to grab someone before they fell. I cursed myself for being so controlled by whatever instinct came forth.

A light drizzle started to fall and I heard sirens in the distance coming towards our position. We had after all, just demolished half a building; it figures someone would have called the cops. I wasn't in a mood to deal with them, especially not with the flea and his twisted mouth around.

The louse had gotten his footing back and was pulling for all he was worth, not that it was doing much, in an attempt to get away. I yanked on his shirt collar and swung the flea into the wall of the alley way that hadn't been demolished. He gave a weak grunt from the impact and the second I let go of him the damn flea tried to run away again.

It must have been my lucky day, because the flea seemed less coordinated than usual. I grabbed his arm and pinned it above the flea's head on the wall, and grinned down at him.

"You're gonna get it now." I said raising my free arm up in a fist.

The flea's face looked stricken and I think he was actually cringing a little, "Now, now, Shizu-chan. Let's talk this out a little." The sirens blared louder, and the rain was falling heavier now, the flea's eye darted in the direction of the sirens and then back to my raised fist, "You wouldn't want to get in trouble and end up behind bars again would you, Shizu-chan?"

"Can't believe you still have the nerve to call me that, fucking louse", I tightened my grip on his wrist and enjoyed the cringe from the flea; "You and me both know that I can do a hell of a lot of damage before they get here."

I swung my arm back when the flea made a last desperate attempt to escape a kicked me in the shin, hard. It didn't hurt much, but it was enough to annoy me enough to tighten my grip a tiny bit more.

The familiar crack was something I was familiar with, but the flea's scream caught me off guard enough to stop my punch right in front of his face. I dropped the arm immediately and stepped back.

The flashing lights of the patrol cars lit up the street. The flea shot me a glaze through fogged eyes before he took off clutching his arm to his chest; through the wreckage into the alleyways across the street.

I wasn't giving up that easily, and started stomping through the rubble after the flea.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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**[Izaya]

Shizu-chan's grip on my wrist kept tightening and I was starting to lose feeling in my arm. I could tell by the sound that there was no way the police cars would get here in time at this rate.

I cringed and tried a last ditch attempt and kicked Shizu-chan in the leg as hard as I could, and I think it did nothing but anger him more, so much for that idea. He raised his clenched fist higher and I felt my arm being crushed to the brink.

The wet cracking sound hit my ears before the pain assaulted my shooting through my wrist to the rest of my body. I couldn't hold back the scream that tumbled from my lips. That caught Shizu-chan off guard; my losing my normal mask to the intense pain; and he let go of my arm and stepped back.

I clutched my wrist which was absolutely broken, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that, and it hurt, a lot. My vision was clouding from the injury; it paired with my exhaustion from the chase with Shizu-chan was really wearing me down. I was going to die if I stayed here. I mustered the last of my energy and shot Shizu-chan's confused face a glare before taking off over the pile of distorted metal and bricks, nearing tripping a few times.

I saw the lights behind me reflecting on the wet asphalt and hurried down the streets. Luckily because it was raining so hard the streets were mostly empty, the less people who see me in this state the better. It was also unlucky though as it meant there was no crowd to blend in with and get away from Shizu-chan. I heard the crashing of his Neanderthal build crashing behind me above the whine of the police sirens, and dove into the closest alleyway and leaned against the wall and slid slowly into a fetal position pressing my wrist to my chest.

The rain pounded down and thunder rang in my ears, I twitched a little and regretted that immediately. I had managed to move just as the flash of lightening had struck, and thanks to my over wonderful luck today, Shizu-chan happened to be walking by the alley. My sight was getting blurry again and the sound of everything was starting to dull out. I was actually glad for the rain even though I was starting to get chills; it covered the tears that were streaming down my face. I would probably be embarrassed right now to be bawling like a girl, but the pain in my arm was sharp as ever and it was taking over my senses.

There was no way I was dodging anything from Shizu-chan, so I pulled myself closer into a ball clutching my arm tighter wishing the pain away. Tch. At this rate, Shizu-chan would be doing a fine job of that.

[Shizuo]

It was just creepy to see the flea like this. My anger had mostly dissipated after breaking the flea's arm. That had actually really scared me, I thought that I had better control over my strength; was it possible that my curse had actually gotten stronger?

The flea was curled up against the wall of the alley and was shaking slightly clutching his arm protectively. There really wasn't any way I could beat that up, it would be like going after a kid. Everything that was the flea seemed to be gone right now, if not for his usual Eskimo coat I wouldn't have believed that would be him huddled in the alleyway. I walked a little closer to him.

"Oi." I muttered wondering if he would answer, when he didn't I carefully reached out a hand and touched my fingertips to his forehead.

Immediately the flea tensed up, and his head shot up as he screamed at me, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

His voice was panicked and he was shaking like crazy and hyperventilating.

I drew my hand back and took a breath, reaching into my pocket to retrieve my cell phone. Luckily it was still ok.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Shizuo]

I called up Shinra.

He picked up and sounded groggy, it was probably pretty late, "So I kinda need a favor."

"[Eh? Shizuo, don't you know what time it is? This really can't wait until later?]"

"No. It really can't, Celty is free right? Can you send her here?"

He was hesitant, "[Fine, give me your location.]"

I put my phone down and looked across at the flea who was back in his huddled position and shaking violently. I couldn't bring myself to try and touch him again; for fear that I really didn't have any control.

Celty arrived, the wheels of her black motor bike screeching to stop on the slick streets. She got off and hurried over to me and the flea. This wasn't the kind of scene one sees very often, even for a headless legend; it was probably quite the surprise.

[What happened!] She typed rapidly on her PDA.

I sighed and looked up at her, "A lot, think ya can get the louse back to his apartment or to Shinra?"

[Is Izaya hurt?]

I avoided her non-existent gaze and nodded.

[Help me get him on the bike.]

"I-I can't." I didn't want to tell her that I was afraid of my strength again, for some reason I just didn't have it in me to hurt the flea more, he was just way to pathetic looking.

Celty reached down and put a hand on the flea's shoulder gaining much the same reaction I had gotten; she pulled away and started typing again. [Just carry him to my bike and I'll deal with him from there?]

I swallowed and cleared my throat, " 'Kay" I mumbled.

I moved to the side of the flea and picked him up, he shot me frenzied look of terror and started thrashing cringing when he agitated his broken arm. I would have enjoyed that look of terror across his face, but I was too focused on not letting myself lose control to really notice him. He seemed to calm down after I let go and placed him on the shadowy motor bike. Celty took her place and wrapped some of her shadowy substance around the flea to hold him in place.

[I think Shinra will probably want more details on what happened.] Then she took off down the street her bike soundless except for the screeching neigh.

[Izaya]

I had the sensation of sinking into some very thick substance, but I forced myself to pull my eyes open and slowly returned to consciousness. I groaned from the sudden brightness and closed my eyes again, and tried to push myself up and was greeted by a dull pain in my ribs and a sharper one in my left wrist, I hissed.

Shinra's voice broke through to me, "Don't try to sit up." He sounded tired and his voice was a little monotone.

"What?" I asked haughtily, or at least tried to be, but my voice cracked a bit.

"Don't give me that." He snapped, "I'm a doctor; don't think I can't tell when someone is starving themselves."

I turned my head away from him and raised my wrist to see it. It was wrapped tightly in gauze and a slightly harder plaster material.

"Fractured, simple, but just barely; a little more and it would have cracked though. Your bone density is way too low; I'm actually surprised you don't have more damage from the fall."

"How-?" I stopped when I saw Shizu-chan sitting on the sofa, wet hair and clothing sticking to his skin, "Tch. Shizu-chan I do hope you mentioned that it was _your_ imbecility that sent me falling to my near death?"

"Ya and it was me who saved your sorry ass again, flea." Shizu-chan spat at me, he looked truly disgusted. "I knew were fucked up, but really; what you're doin' is just fucking pathetic." Shizu-chan took a deep breath, and surprised me by calming down; he continued in a near pitying voice, "What the hell happened to you?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Duararara!

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[Shizuo]

I kept staring blankly down the street through the pouring rain long after Celty had left. I started wandering down the street; I was already soaked though so it didn't really make much of a difference to be in the rain.

It was actually kinda nice, quiet and not so crowded. I kept wandering for who knows how long, until I noticed my phone was ringing. I picked it up carefully I didn't have the money to replace it if I broke it.

"[Shizuo! Explain, no actually come over here and then explain this, I'm really going to need to hear what happened, so hurry up.]"

He sounded annoyed and panicked, "Ok, calm down, I'll go."

"[Good, hurry.]" He hung up.

I didn't even finish raising my hand to knock on his door when Shinra threw the door open and dragged me into his apartment. It was familiar to me, after all in all my fight with Izaya when I was too tired to bother with a hospital Shinra helped fixing me up.

Shinra pointed to one of his sofa's where the flea was lying, breathing hard his wrist in a soft cast. His skin looked pale and yellowish; kid looked really pathetic, I couldn't help cringing a little.

"Celty says she found you two in an alleyway with Izaya crouched up and crying. He has a bad fracture nearly a completely broken arm. What the hell did you do to make him like that? Shizuo-kun, I really never knew you were that kind of sadistic person!" Shinra's words stung.

"I didn't mean to ok? I was just really pissed, and I-I just lost control I think." I was stuttering a little, "You don't think I've gotten stronger? Fucking curse won't leave me alone."

Shinra took a breath and calmed down a little, "Shizuo, your strength is fine, Izaya's bone density is really low right now, and I'm surprised he got away from you with so few injuries. But to get him into a hysterical panic, that's what I want to know about; Izaya isn't one to lose his face like this, I don't even think he was totally conscious, but he was freaking out I could get to him take anything off so I can't see if he has anymore injuries. Just tell me what happened."

I told Shinra about the usual chase and then the collapse of the fire escape to which he started panicking, and wanted to make sure I wasn't hurt, I reminded him of my freakish strength and told him I was fine.

Shinra took on a thoughtful look, "How is he fine after a fall like that? The way Izaya's body is right now, I would have expected there to be a lot more breaks."

"Ah. That's because the stupid flea managed to land on me when he fell, along with some bricks and stuff. It kinda hurt."

Shinra looked at me a little stunned, "You fell a good twenty feet onto asphalt and then were hit with a body and excess wall, and all you say is it _'kinda hurt'_! Shizuo you are becoming quite something."

His look was creeping me out a little now, I wouldn't forget that he had been experimenting on humans and nonhumans since childhood, and I took and involuntary step back.

Shinra saw me moving away and pulled himself out of him creepy little world, "Anyways, I think I've seen enough of Izaya to realize something, and while I really don't want to believe it, all the facts are right there."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, Shinra was slipping into his real doctor mode, removed and factual.

"Izaya is anorexic. Far below average body weight, obsession with not eating and self-image, low bone density, abnormally low blood pressure, weakness, and easily fainting." He's getting some of the long term effects of lack of nutrition, like the pale yellowing skin and skin drying out, and I can only guess about him mental state, which we both know wasn't very stable in the first place." Shinra prattled on about Izaya and sorta lost me.

"Anor-what? Isn't that a girl thing, the obsession with being skinny, right?" I asked using up my limited knowledge.

Shinra sighed, "It's more common in women, yes; and yes it is characterized by a weight obsession, but it's more a mental illness than anything else, this goes way deeper. How deep, I don't really know, I guess we'll find out when he wakes up."


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durararara!

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[Shizuo]

I sat down on Shinra's sofa and stared at the flea's sleeping form. Shinra passed me a towel and I remembered that I was soaking wet from the rain and went to start drying myself off when the flea stirred.

He groaned and tried pushing himself up by flopped back down quickly. Shinra was over him like a mother hen and started telling the flea not to move and how his arm was fractured and nearly clean broken. The flea turned away from Shinra mumbling something, and then he finally noticed I was sitting here.

Against Shinra's warning the flea pulled himself into an upright position, his snarky face back, while a little pale still he was making an effort to act "normal", "Tch. Shizu-chan I do hope you mentioned that it was iyour/i imbecility that sent me falling to my near death?"

Leave it to the flea to be annoying as hell the second he was conscious, "Ya and it was me who saved your sorry ass again, flea." I spat out at him, leave it to the flea to piss me off the second he was conscious. "I knew were fucked up, but really; what you're doin' is just fucking pathetic."I took a deep breath to calm myself, seeing the flea cringing and breaking just a little more from only my words was just too pathetic. I softened my voice, "What the hell happened to you?"

[Izaya]

I couldn't help cringing to his words, they hurt, a lot. Why was it, that no matter what I did, it never seemed to help anything? But that look in Shizu-chan's eyes, that pitying look, it was just so annoying.

"Don't look at me like that you protozoan brained idiot! I'm not some pathetic little kid, I don't want pity, especially not from iyou/i." I was losing my temper a little too much, and turned my head away from Shizu-chan's face

Shinra spoke up again, "Your actions are speaking a lot louder than your words right now Izaya, not that you ever really say anything remotely related to reality. I hope you're conscious of what you're doing right now."

I gave a small laugh, reverting to my "business" face, "I tell the facts, and it's not really my fault if people tend to misunderstand them, or take actions in such odd ways."

Shinra leaned in, "Don't avoid my question."

I met his eyes with a steady gaze, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That is a lie."It always amazes me how people can differ their personalities so much depending on their situations, these were the interesting ones. The one who could keep evolving and remain interesting; it was rather annoying at the moment though.

I really hated being like this, in a situation where I didn't have control. Humans are very complex beings and while it's impossible to ever completely control their every action and movement, by simply understanding how they would normally react in certain situations, one can generally predict their choices and actions.

"No, actually Shinra, I really don't know what you're talking about, would you be so kind as to inform me on this matter that seems to be of the utmost importance. If you would rather not, then I'd be happy to return to my own place of residence."

He sighed in a defeated manner, "You really can't tell?" He looked down at me, "Izaya, you're anorexic."

"Of all the things you could have said, what the hell! Do you think I'm going to suddenly turn delirious? I'm going home." I pushed myself up and stood on unstable legs. I didn't have much feeling in my legs and I had to bite my lip not to cry out from the pain that shot through my body, and make sure not to whack anything with my wrist, that was going to be annoying to type with.

"Don't fucking walk away like that flea." Shizu-chan's bellow blasted through the room, and I stopped from the sudden burst of sound, "Don't even think I'm gonna let your run away from this, its below even you."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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[Izaya]

I stopped and turned my head back to Shizu-chan, "Oh, and since when have I let you have a say in my actions, _Shizu-chan_?" I spat his name out. Pain on top of exhaustion was doing nothing for my mood; I disliked this being in a sour mood, it made observing the humans I loves so much less enjoyable.

I took deep breaths to calm myself down, cringing at the pain that succeeded each breath.

"And since when have I given a shit about what you want?" Shizu-chan's voice echoed back.

_Rage Level: 20%_ I giggled to this inside thought.

I was cut short in my fun by Shizu-chan, being the brute he was grabbing me by the shirt collar and quite nearly lifting me off the ground. Honestly, I'm going to have to go and buy new shirt if Shizu-chan keep wrecking all of mine like this. He continued to hold me in a death grip and proceeded to drag me to Shinra's island table in the kitchenette. The breath was knocked out of me as Shizu-chan threw me into a chair and started rooting through Shinra's fridge.

I looked back as Shinra and he gave me a look saying, "Don't you dare piss of Shizuo any more or else he will destroy my love nest and I will forward all bills to your account."

I wasn't really in the mood for being thrown around any further so I decided to comply with Shinra's unspoken order.

A dish of takeout was thrown in front of me and Shizu-chan leaned over the counter, "Prove you're fine flea, eat, and I'll let you walk."

"Tch. As usual Shizu-chan, such a simple minded beast, aren't you?" Fine, I'd humor him, shove down a few mouthfuls of the fatty MSG filled takeout food and then go home and get some decent sleep, or maybe I could manage to jog? At least an attempt to burn off the junk in whatever it was Shizu-chan was so intent on making me eat.

He said nothing, and just stood there towering over me and waiting, I had to give Shizu-chan some credit; after all, this was the longest he had been able to stay in my vicinity without ripping some large object from its home.

I sighed, weighing my chances of getting away, near zero far too much of a gamble. I lifted a mouthful and chewed on it, fighting the urge to spit out the revolting substances. I was doing my best to hide the grimace on my face as I swallowed, and looked back up at Shizu-chan; he raised an eyebrow and didn't seem fooled.

Really Shizu-chan, you chose now of all time to actually grow a brain!

Shizu-chan leaned back and pulled the chopsticks from my hand. That's when I realized that my hand had been trembling and that I was hyperventilating. I shoved the dish away quickly, and fought the bile rising in my throat, I just wanted to get rid of this crap before it really got into my system and started clogging arties.

Shinra finally spoke up, after Shizu-chan had calmed down from my break down. _I'm sure you enjoyed seeing me freaking out, ne Shizu-chan?_

"I'm giving you more vitamin supplements. You need some nutrients; your body is starting to show the effects already." He placed a few pill bottles on the table next to me, and whispered so Shizu-chan couldn't hear, "And really, if you value your life at all, which honestly I doubt sometimes, see someone."

I stood up and knocked the pill bottles to the floor. I felt the blood rush from my head and dizziness over took me, still I muttered, "I'm fine, this is none of your business." Before I passed out yet again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Izaya]_

I was in that state of nearly awake, when you can hear and are aware of things but can't really bring yourself to open your eyes or move your lips. I could tell that I was no longer in Shinra's home, and that from the atmosphere was probably in my own office. It just had that calming feeling, when I could watch and observe the humans I loved, twist their actions to my desires, and yet be virtually untouchable to then. Too far away and never a clear image in their minds, after all I didn't want my dearest loves to see the reality of this uncompleted god.

The words were muffled like speaking through think fog, but I could tell immediately that it was Shizu-chan's voice, the voice I knew to scream my name through the streets as it had been doing for years now, too bad it was one voice that humanity would be better off without; a minuscule smudge in the vast painting of humanity. It pissed me off a little that this "smudge" had most likely destroyed the better part of my home and could be planning to kill me in my injured state. Yet, I couldn't help myself from being intrigued by this situation and felt myself becoming elated while running through possibilities for this situation and Shizu-chan's actions; it was never easy with Shizu-chan, sure it was interesting to see something new, but Shizu-chan just never did anything right, everything he did just had to different and so abnormal.

It was annoying that I could never have control over him, and the desire to control the one beast that eluded me was ever haunting me, and I hated that I couldn't go a day without thinking about him, and how I could figure him out.

"The line on the beeping thingy is speeding up; does that mean he's waking up?" Shizu-chan's blunt ignorance broke through the fog that was slowly growing less dense.

"Yes, and it's called an electrocardiogram." That was Shinra, his sighing indicating that he wasn't going to try and make Shizu-chan's Neanderthal mind try to understand the inner workings of an EKG. "He's lucky that I happened to have some of this stuff in my apartment since father was there recently, trying to get dear Celty to partake in more tests. The only thing I need to know from her is that she gives me her eternal love and the test for that, well I don't think it requires any special equipment, at least, not like this."

I pulled myself into the realm of the conscious to stop Shinra's love rant, "Fuck." I muttered as the lights in my room were blinding, I was surprised that I actually had any sight left after all this.

"Don't complain so much, after all this is really all self-inflicted. Besides, think of how poor Celty must be suffering without me to greet her after a long day of work."

"Shinra." I grouched sitting up with a grunt.

"Yes?" He broke off from his lovey prattles.

"Shut up, and get out." I was not in the mood for this.

"Oh fine, really. I waste so much time helping you and this is what I get? I'm not a charity service you know, I have to make a living, if Shizuo wasn't here being all scary then I probably would have just left you." He reached down and pulled a needle out of my arm.

"Ouch. What did you just pump me with?" I muttered rubbing my arm, there would probably be a bruise, and another blemish on the porcelain skin I worked so hard to keep perfect.

"It was just an IV with some nutrients since I don't trust you enough to actually take the vitamins." He threw his stuff in a bag and started toward the door, "By the way, since I don't trust you, Shizuo agreed to stay here for a while and make sure you take your pills, I hope you enjoy your bonding time; and I would just be so thankful if you tipped your good friend for his hard work."

_What did he just say!_ I turned to look at Shizu-chan who was sitting in the corner eyeing me blankly.

"SHINRA WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed at him as he sprinted from the room with a sly grin.

_You will die

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Fail updates are failed . too much life lol.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Izaya]_

I twisted my head over to Shizu-chan. He was, as far I could see, calm; and that was freaking me out. Deep breathes I told myself, had to keep control, "Ne, Shizu-chan~"

"What do you want, flea. I'm not giving you any painkillers if that's what you're gonna ask." He was grumbling. He rubbed the back of his head and yawned, looking perfectly bored.

I forced myself to be composed and put up a face for Shizu-chan, no way was that brute going to outwit me. "How mean _Shizu-chan_~. That wasn't even what I was asking. I really just wanted to know why you happen to be here."

"Like Shinra said, to make sure you don't try and drop dead."

"Oh, I thought that was your goal in life, Shizu-chan? To see me finally die?"

"Hmp."

"A very extensive answer." I didn't take my eyes off him, I was watching for any sort of tensing that would disclose his attack, but Shizu-chan remained laid back.

He shifted and leaned forward elbows on his knees, hands clasped, I jumped a little at the movement, and cursed inwardly immediately.

"Ha. What's wrong flea? Scared?" A grin crossed his face.

"No, I'm perfectly comfortable with the fact that I'm currently trapped in an enclosed chamber along with a monster who has pledged his life to purging the world of Orihara Izaya."

Shizu-chan rose, and I managed to not flinch like a scared field mouse, "You're scared."

"Where are you going, not to destroy my apartment I hope?"

He tilted his head back at me as he left the room, "Actually I'm going to get you something to eat with your medication, Shinra said one of them for somethin' was really strong and it was best if you ate something with it."

He was mocking me right now. That was _my_ job, to screw with people's minds. I needed to find some way to be in control.

Shizu-chan walked back in with a bowl of white rice and a glass of water. He set the water down on the nightstand and placed the bowl in my lap. Shizu-chan waved a pair of chopsticks near my face as I stared at the food.

"Since, when do you cook Shizu-chan? Or wait, is this poisoned?" I eyed the rice carefully looking for traces of powder.

"I didn't make it, some really angry lady with long hair did before she left; Shinra said she was a good cook."

"Namie, my assistant , this is definitely poisoned." I leaned away from the bowl.

Shizu-chan grunted and took a mouthful and chewed thoughtfully, "Seems fine to me."

He took out another scoop on the chopsticks and put it in my mouth as I opened it to retort.

"Don't even think of spitting it out, no good to waste good food, I'm gonna make sure you eat flea." There was a wide grin on his face.

Oh yes, he was definitely mocking me, still I chewed and swallowed with effort.

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Thank you for all the kind comments...Sorry I fail at updating ...But I really enjoy writing this myself (is weird and can fan over own fic) so I'll try my best to keep updating when I can


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Izaya]_

"Am I done now?" This was honestly just embarrassing.

"Not a chance, flea. You have to have something in your stomach before taking strong pills; I don't wanna have to deal with ya complaining about being sick." He offered the chopsticks to me.

I gave a small pout and snatched the utensils out of his hand, and took another mouthful, and then another. My gaze slid back to Shizu-chan, he was still watching me, with an amused expression.

"Something funny?" My voice was rimmed with sarcasm; not too effective, since my hand was shaking again and I was struggling not to gag or choke on the substance in my throat.

"Nah, unless you think you count the fact that yer' acting like a little kid right now. My brother use to pout the same way when he didn't want to eat something."

"Ah, I was under the impression that discussion of your brother was taboo. Hmm, I wonder if that's Shizu-chan's weakness, his cute faced little brother is the exceptional kink in the armor?" Talking was calming for me; it was something that I was use to doing, blathering on about tidbits and little unimportant facts. As long as I was talking and people were busy attempting to decipher my speech, I could relax, knowing that they were observing my words and not me. However much I adored my dear humans, I couldn't ever debate the fact that they were ever harsh.

"You really do get some sick pleasure from pissing people off don't you?" Shizu-chan's voice was gruff, but at least he wasn't smirking anymore.

"On, the contrary Shizu-chan. I merely speak what is already known and present, whether it is wished to be acknowledged or not, and how it is interpreted is entirely up to the listener." I pointed at Shizu-chan with my chopsticks, "You, Shizu-chan just seem to have anger management issues."

He reached down and grabbed my wrist, in what I thought was going to be an attack, but was actually just to impede the shaking of my hand.

"Not even close to the issues you have going for yourself right now." He was giving me that pitying voice again, which just made me feel even more pathetic, not that I was going to admit that to Shizu-chan, "One more bite 'kay?"

My eyes flicked away from Shizu-chan, between my hand and the bowl of barely eaten food. I muttered an agreement, and gingerly pulled my hand from Shizu-chan's grasp, finding it odd that he actually let go and didn't try to pull me into a strangle. It felt like forever to finish chewing and finally swallow the small morsel.

Shizu-chan took the bowl away and handed me the glass of water and went to fetch the pills on my dresser. He dropped them into my hand, I recognized a couple of the colorful pills. I had to take them one at a time because I didn't think that I would be able to force myself to swallow such a huge quantity of mass; every substance that I was forcing down just felt so foreign, and I just felt so disgusted with myself for each bit that passed through my lips. I felt like I was losing a little more control with each bit, and _that_ was what was really going to drive me over the edge.

I was Orihara Izaya, god, or at least immortal to be if I had my way; how else would humanity go on without someone to love them? So it was imperative that I be able to at least totally control myself, since it was impossible to fully control another, I had to be as close to possible to perfect control.

Shizu-chan, standing there calmly, when he should be in a rage and trying to kill me, was just proof of my losing control. Shizu-chan was always a hard one to control, since he NEVER did anything right. And now, I was desperately searching for a way to be in control, to find some way to get to him, to make him lose control, before _I_ lost it.

_A game is it now Shizu-chan?_


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Shizuo]_

Stupid flea was sitting there in bed like some cowering animal. There was really no way that I could really be mad at him. After all, you rescue a stray kitten and it scratches you, ya don't go and kick it, right? Same thing with the flea; it's weird to see how fragile he is, and right now his mocking and nicknames were just a flimsy cover up. Maybe someone else who was meeting one of the city's most renowned informants who was scared out of their minds would fall for it, but for anyone who actually knew the flea, it was pretty damn clear that this was just a shadow of his usual self.

He finished the medications and handed back an empty glass.

"Feel like showing yourself out yet, Shizu-chan?"

It was more command than question, but I knew that the flea wasn't in a position to really enforce anything. Besides, Shinra had told me to stay here until the flea at least got back to a more normal state. He had gone on this long rant on how the flea would get better by trying not to let me get any control over him. I wasn't some creep who wanted everyone to be under my control, but I had put Shinra through a lot lately and felt that I should probably help him out with something in return.

'Sides, it wasn't everyday that I would to see the flea looking so pathetic. I wouldn't really go for blackmail or anything like that though.

"Nope. Actually I'm staying until you decide to stop acting like an insecure little girl."

"You really think you can last that long around me, eh Shizu-chan?"

"Not really, so you better start shutting your mouth, or maybe I'll decide to force feed you something so I can go back to my life. I'll leave if my boss really needs the extra help though, if that helps."

"Mmf." The flea had curled up under his covers and the sheets were muffling his voice.

"Wha?"

He poked his head out enough to speak clearly, "I said, then at least leave me in peace for a few hours, I need my beauty sleep, thank you."

I sighed, figuring I was probably pushing the flea to the edge by not being completely pissed off my his existence, so I walked out and closed the door softly behind me, hitting the lights as I walked out of his bedroom and into the spacious office/living area.

I left the bowl of uneaten food on the counter and sank into an expensive couch. I took a closer look around the studio.

It was kinda depressing to see this huge place, newest electronics and high class furniture; stupid flea was pretty damn loaded. The place was spotless too, except for a few papers on the desks and a checker board that was lying on a low table in front of my current seat. There was a mix of checker, chess, and shogi pieces scattered around; I couldn't find a correlation between them, but decided against messing with any of the flea's things, since most everything else was so meticulously laid out.

I guess that was a part of his problem, the constant need for perfection. So many people near god worshipped him, that someone actually not seeing him as an all powerful being was probably scary. I really think the flea is just scared that someone will actually look at him and find a flaw in his perfect little self image.

I couldn't really get why he was so concerned, he was fucking LOADED, I mean, look at this place, all the money I could make in my life probably couldn't even pay for the couch I was sitting on. Unlike me, flea was smart, like really smart, he knew how to work stuff, so honestly I didn't see why he was so scared like this.

I couldn't help relishing in the fact that the flea was finally getting a taste of his own medicine; someone, other than me, was actually seeing him for the backstabbing little jerk he was.

He was way too pathetic to look at right now, but without his face in front of me my annoyance for him was growing again.

I brought my fingers to my lips as my mind drifted from boredom, and an annoying memory surfaced.

_I still gotta pay you back for that, eh louse? I think, maybe, I'm bein' too easy on you; and too bad for you, I'm not a real patient guy._


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Shizuo]_

I blinked, and realized that I must have fallen asleep, stupid luxury sofa. It was a little past midnight according to the glowing clock stationed on the flea's desk.

_Shit._

Shinra had told me to give the flea some sleeping meds if he was still awake after eleven. This was why I didn't want this job, in addition to the fact that I hated the flea, I was not very good at remembering things.

I sighed and stood up taking a moment to stretch. None of the lights were on, since the ceiling tall windows had provided plenty of natural lighting during the day, didn't seem to matter much at night though; every one of the various electronic items gave off a faint glow that together gave the entire room a soft blue tinted glow, plenty to see.

I crept, keeping as quiet as I could towards the closed bedroom door. I opened the door and gave my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness, which didn't take as long as I thought. Next to the bed a soft orange glow steadily radiated. I nearly let out a laugh; the louse actually had a nightlight in his room.

Luckily, however, the flea didn't seem to be in any need of sleeping pills, he was curled up on the bed hugging a pillow, bandaged wrist resting on top; most of the sheets had been pushed away to the sides. He curled up tighter as I opened the door wider.

I sighed again, I was doing that way too much lately, and honestly I was going to get wrinkles soon. I paced over to the bed and gently lifted the flea's sleeping form to tug the sheets under him out of the way, and then replace them over his body. His breathing hitched for a second, and then steadied out, no longer shivering.

It felt like I was babysitting my little bro all over again, I smiled lightly over that fond memory.

Walking back into the living area, I flopped back down on the couch, and dozed off again, being around the flea so much was taxing, even when he wasn't awake, I still felt, uneasy around him. Maybe that wasn't the right word to describe it, but I wasn't really in the mood to find a better fitting one.

_[Izaya]_

I groggily woke up, and forgot about my wrist long enough for it to fall off the pillow I had been hugging, and cause enough pain to fully wake me. I noticed immediately that the sheets were again covering my body, Shizu-chan must have been in here. I felt my face heat a little at that thought.

How embarrassing, I'm Shizu-chan got a good laugh to see my strange sleeping habits.

Still, how annoying, I was hoping to shiver off a few extra calories. Being cold was an excellent way to burn off fat without doing anything, how else could those Inuit people have gone on eating seal _fat_, and not becoming round as a pancake?

Although, this was rather again Shizu-chan's previous actions, like everything else he had been doing while at my home. But really, tucking me in at night?

Tch. And Shinra though _I_ was the one with the messed up mind, Shizu-chan must really have lost it.

I got up and walked down my hallway, the sun was just rising give the room a soft orange-red glow.

I stopped in my tracks at the sight in my living room; Shizu-chan was out cold on my sofa. I slid my phone off my desk and smiled as I saved a nice piece of blackmail.

In a lighter mood, I skipped to the kitchen, might as well see how far I can play this game with Shizu-chan.

"Shizu-chan~ I don't think I'll ever tire of messing with you, of course if you just died I wouldn't really mind either, there are plenty of toys in the world to be broken, I don't mind loving a broken toy." I whispered words to the silent studio.

Shizu-chan's steady breath never faltered.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!

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_[Izaya]_

The sound of Shizu-chan waking reached my ears, and I smiled waiting for this scene to play through, wondering how Shizu-chan's expression would be like.

He grunted sitting up, so truly like a monster, "Eh? What the hell are you doing flea?"

I sighed dramatically, "Well, Shizu-chan, what do I look like I'm doing?"

Shizu-chan stood there for a moment looking a bit like a deer in headlights, utterly confused, "You're…cooking…?"

I pointed the spatula in my hand at Shizu-chan, "Ding, ding! You got it~ Ahh~ I wish I could get a picture of Shizu-chan's face."

I turned back the pan in front of me and finished folding the omelette, and slid it on to a plate.

I put it on the table and smiled up at Shizu-chan.

"Ya want me to eat it?" He didn't sound angry, just a little passive and confused.

I pouted a little, I liked my Shizu-chan to be out of control, he was far too much on top of things right now, "It was rather taxing to do everything with only the use of one hand. So be a little more grateful Shizu-chan."

He inspected the food a little.

"It's not poisoned, even if it were; I doubt it would take that much of a toll on your body. Anyways, do me a favor and pour the tea? It's too heavy for me to lift with one hand." I motioned to the counter where the pot sat next to two cups.

He did so, and without as much as a single complaint. Tch. Shizu-chan how boring.

Shizu-chan sat across from me at the table; I sipped at the hot tea, "Something wrong? Shizu-chan is staring at me again."

"You're not eating anything."

"That's not true Shizu-chan, I'm having tea. Its green tea, very healthy~" _With zero calories too_ I added silently to myself, Shizu-chan didn't really need to know that.

"Really? How is it healthy, just leaves and hot water, right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Shizu-chan you really need to open a book or something. Tea has been proven as a great and natural way to rid the body of—mmff."

I was cut off as Shizu-chan shoved a mouthful of the omelette into my mouth. My first reaction was to spit, to gag, and to do anything to remove the substance in my mouth. But Shizu-chan covered my mouth with his hand.

I tried to pull away and pull his hand away, but Shizu-chan wasn't giving up.

"Chew, and swallow. It's not that hard." He muttered to me, in a commanding way.

I did so, only because the feeling of the food in my mouth was so revolting. It was annoying as hell not to gag everything back up after I had finally swallowed it. _Ugg, I shouldn't have made anything with eggs, they are like 200 calories per, and I put in three!_

Shizu-chan lifted his hand once he was sure I had swallowed.

"Not bad right?" He took another bite, "While you are still annoying as hell, I'll admit that you're not half bad a cook."

I just glared at him. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you're suposto be eating more, and you weren't."

"Yes, but why do that?"

"Seemed like the easiest way, since askin' doesn't really ever get off the ground with you, and you've never bothered to really do anything I told you to unless it was forced."

"Is it somehow possible that your simple minded ways have surpassed the human range of thought? That makes no sense."

"How so?"

"That's just not how someone would normally go about enticing another to eat."

"Well, neither of us is really all that normal right? After all, I'm just a monster, and you're just a flea."

I started tapping my finger on the table, Shizu-chan finished eating and rose, collecting the dishes and moving to wash them.

"I wonder Shizu-chan, where does that place us? Above humans or below them? Normality is a very loose term, and the line of that is ever thin. What stops genius from spilling over unto insanity, love from becoming obsession, perfection from becoming destruction? How many people do you think are on the brink, only classified as 'normal' because of their fear of being discovered, and isolated from the human herd, for even though they know it was abandon them should it know their true nature, they choose to grasp on and cling. I want to walk on the threshold, find the balance, and love all humans without being either a part of them or apart from them."


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara! **

^I am getting tired of saying that though .

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_[Izaya]_

I paused to look at Shizu-chan.

"I think…that you just talk too much for a flea." He dropped the dishes into the drain board and turned back around, "I'll go get your meds, try not to start puking or something."

I felt my features distort at the very mention of something so rank, "That is disgusting Shizu-chan, I'm seriously offended that you think I would ever do something like that.

He turned the walked back to my bedroom, and I hear him mutter, "You're not as far from there as you think."

I felt my hands turn to fists, my nails digging into my palms. _I'm not crazy Shizu-chan._

I took a deep breath and regained my posture and face before Shizu-chan returned pill bottles in hand.

"One of each." He placed the bottles each filled with a different supplement, "Oh, except this one." He pushed one of the bottles away.

"Why not?" I put my chin the table and eyed the bottle.

"Those are pain killers. Shinra said they were really strong and not to give you any unless something was really acting up."

I extracted a single pill from each of the bottles and washed them down with my now rather cold tea. Taking one at a time was still all I could do; everything I ingested just made me feel so sick.

I pushed myself up, a little too quickly getting that quick flash of blackness; I kept my balance this time; and walked to my desk.

"What are you doing?" Shizu-chan questioned as he rinsed out the empty cup. _Like a housewife isn't he?_

"Work."

"Aren't you suposta' be resting?"

"Yes, mother." I replied in a sarcastic tone, "But, my job is just so much fun that's it relaxing for me. Besides, I have clients who I would really rather not miss. Speaking of which, what am I going to do with you?"

"What do you mean by that flea?"

I sighed, was it really that hard to figure out? "I meet up personally with a lot of clients, and I would rather not have a monster staring them down, it makes them a lot less likely to be useful."

"Tch. You really do get a little freakish kick out of messing with people don't you?"

"Hmm? I really don't know what you mean, Shizu-chan. I'm an informant, it's simply my job to gain information by various means and then give it to those who are in need of it. How they decide to take my words is completely up to them."

Shizu-chan grunted and plunked back down on my sofa, "Where's that lady with the long hair who was here yesterday?"

"I told her she was on a paid vacation for the time being. I have a feeling that the two of you, being so contrasting might just get into some sort of fight, and I want my apartment in one piece."

Typing with one hand was proving to be a little more annoying than I had thought. I couldn't even use the touchpad on my laptop with my injured wrist without sending bolts of pain up my arm. This was going to be really annoying.

I scrolled through various forums and chat logs to see if any interesting rumors had popped up, nothing caught my eye, and I didn't have any urgent e-mails; was this going to be a boring day? I didn't really want to go outside and have Shizu-chan stalking behind me like some predator on the hunt, I sighed a little and continued surfing.

Shizu-chan was being very quiet; I spun my chair to get a better view of him.

He was just sitting there staring off into space, where the heck did the monster who tracked me through the streets of Ikebukuro go?

"Oi! Shizu-chan~ Aren't you getting bored? Want to go home yet?"

He tilted his head slightly in my direction, "Not a chance flea. How much does this place cost anyways?"

"More than you can afford."

"Fucking louse, would it really kill ya to not _try_ and piss me off at every turn?"

"No. But it's much more fun to watch you running around like a beast than sitting around and doing nothing."

"Sorry, but I'm not here to entertain you."

"Pity, I was hoping for something interesting to do."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the blackberry where I kept my high interest clients started to vibrate.

I picked it up, and cringed a little seeing the name. It was Shiki-san. Fun as it was toying between the Awakusu-kai and Asuki Group, I didn't want them and Shizu-chan to get friendly, or not so friendly in my apartment.

[We need to talk.] The message read.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

_*double brackets are Izaya's messages_

I texted back quickly.

[[What can I help you with now Shiki-san?]]

[I would rather talk in person where every word won't be recorded by a telephone company. I'm driving to you place now.]

Well, that was just really not good. Shiki-san and his little robot muscle men would be here soon, and having Shizu-chan sitting around would create some questions that I was really sure how to answer.

[That's alright isn't it? You weren't replying, there isn't a problem with us meeting you now is there Orihara-san?]

[[Hmm~ Ah sorry I didn't mean to ignore you I just got a little caught up reading a forum board. Can't wait to see you~ :3]]

[I would really prefer if you didn't speak that way.]

I giggled [[Does Shiki-san not like it?]]

[I would think that to be self evident.]

I pulled myself away from Shiki-san, and turned my attention to Shizu-chan.

"Shizu-chan!"

He didn't answer.

"Shizu-chan~" I stood up and stomped over to him, "Shizuo, for goodness sakes answer when someone is talking to you."

He turned to me, "Sorry." He yawned, "I'm tired, geez what's your rush flea, shit finally catching up with you?"

"No. I'm meeting a client, and I don't want _them_ meeting _you_. So, go and sit in my bedroom and stay quiet for a while, please?"

He rose slowly, and looked down at me as he passed, "Fine, since you asked so nicely."

Shizu-chan disappeared down the hallway, not a moment too soon. The buzzer sounded through the room only moments later.

I paced towards the door and opened it, unsurprised to be facing one of Shiki-san's massive lackeys, who seemed to trail him everywhere. I guess they were meant to be body guards and also just make sure anyone meeting with Shiki-san was completely scared out of their minds.

They were all brawn and no brain, just there to beat up people, and I didn't ever really bother with them, since in reality unless you were being beaten up by them, it was actually very easy to forget their presence.

After admitting Shiki-san, I skipped back to my desk to face Shiki-san. It was always my goal to try and break his stern and bored face. Something that always provided me with a challenge, verses Shizu-chan who was usually so easy to enrage.

Shiki-san's lackeys stayed near the door, while Shiki-san causally approached me.

"Ah, Shiki-san it's nice to see you again."

"We need to locate a certain person and an item they escaped with."

"Hm? May I ask what was so special about this item?"

"Inhalants, laced with a new hallucinogen that has a high possibility of hospitalizing its users. We've picked up some of it off the streets, but we want to know who has the big stash of it."

"Drugs are a common thing on the streets these days Shiki-san, what's so special about this one that it claims the attention of the Awakusu-kai?"

"They are selling it using our name. I don't really know why, but they are, and we really can't let some just waltz in and tarnish our name. So, Informant-san please contact us if you get any information pertaining to this, unless of course you have anything about this person now?"

I smirked a little, and couldn't help being jealous of this person, they must be having fun going against an organization like this, I knew that it always gave me a burst of joy in anticipation for how they would react. But I was an informant, and it was my job to sell the information I came across, if they paid, then why deny them?

"I see you do know something."

"Eh? I guess that could be a possibility."

Shiki-san pressed his hands on my desk and leaned forward, "I don't have time for your games Orihara-san."

I could see that he had dark circles under his eyes, and look much more tired than usual, but he was totally invading my personal bubble.

"Alright, alright. How dull Shiki-san, I waved my hands in front of me to push him away so I could reach my computer."

Shiki-san's eyes rested on my wrist when he pulled away, "People you screwed over finally got a hit back? Kid, stop messing around. This isn't a game you know?"

_Oh, but it is Shiki-san, and an entertaining one at that._

* * *

Thank you for all the reviews 3

They make me smile like such a dork ^^;;


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

Shiki-san leaned forward again, "You still think you can just stay up here far away from everything and never get hurt? You're still just a kid who needs to learn to wise up; this world isn't a nice place. It's not all fun and games, don't expect to be able to play innocent forever."

"Ehh? How mean, Shiki-san calling me a kid. I am twenty-three you know, I can take care of myself. Although I am ever so touched that Shiki-san cares for me." I flung my arms around dramatically, and winced as a bent my wrist.

Shiki-san rubbed his temple, he was obviously annoyed, "Maybe you're physically an adult, but honestly you have the mental state of a very young child."

He leaned down and traced his fingers down my neck and across my collarbone, sending shivers through my body.

"W-what are you d-doing, Sh-Shiki-san!" My voice shook a little, and I cursed myself for looking so pathetic.

He smirked, "Just getting rid of a little stress." He leaned down, his breath brushing against my neck, whispering into my ear, "I thought you liked games."

I bit my lip and resisted the urge to shove him off me, he was just playing and I wasn't going to let myself be fazed by him. My eyes wandered to the door where the lackey's seemed to be completely unfazed, and almost a little bored.

"Shiki-san." My voice was strained.

"Hm?" His tongue brushed over my flesh for a second, but it was enough to cause me to jolt.

"Ah!" I clamped my mouth closed a second too late, and heard him snicker against my sensitive skin, "It's rather hard for me to operate my computer in this position."

"Oh really? You're a smart kid, work around it." His hand slid down and reached up my shirt pulling the fabric up with it, the tips of his fingers grazing my chest.

I felt my body tense, and I shoved him off me with both hands, barely noticing the pain as I jarred my wrist. My breathing was ragged, and I quickly opened a folder and recited the information, "Underground club, 'Angels', they're selling it out of the back part, ask the DJ to play 'Heaven's Twisted Spell' it's a password to get in touch with the dealer. I clicked a button and printed the address of the club and shoved it in Shiki-san's face. "Kindly leave now."

I was well aware that I was shaking and clutched my arms to my chest in an attempt to stop. _Stop staring at me, stop looking at me; I'm not perfect. So go away, please just leave._

Shiki-san motioned to his men to leave, and I refused to meet his gaze. He reached down and pulled my chin up and lightly pressed his lips to my forehead.

"You shouldn't hide from the world like this; you're beautiful already." The last part was spoken so quietly that I wasn't even sure I had actually heard it.

I heard his steps fading and mumbled, "That's a lie."

The door was closed lightly; I spun my chair to the window behind me, and curled my knees to my chest, clutching my wrist which was throbbing in pain up to my shoulder.

My bedroom door opened and Shizu-chan's steps carefully approached me. I heard him sighing as he walked towards the desk. His shadow passed over in front of me.

"Not sure who that guy was, but he's pretty good to break you like that."

I looked up at Shizu-chan, tears in my eyes, gazing at him blankly.

He kneeled down so I didn't have to crane my neck to see him, "Can't say ya don't deserve it, and I'm pretty sure you're aware that you look like crap. So, you wanna take a bath or something and I'll give you a painkiller?"

I nodded numbly, and wandered toward the bathroom, letting my arm hang limply next to me. Shizu-chan pressed a bottle into my hands as I passed into the bathroom.

Closing the door behind me, I slid down, my legs giving out and let out a silent sob.

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Ahh...I feel a little overly sadistic sometimes


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

Dragging myself up to the sink counter I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. Shizu-chan had been pretty right, I looked like shit; joyful.

I turned the hot water on and removed my clothing. I went to shake out a pill from the bottle but ended up spilling out a handful of small white pills. The amount there would easily be enough to over dose on and induce a comatose state, or worse, or better, depending on your outlook on the world.

But, I wasn't looking for something like that, not now. I carefully extracted a single pill before pouring the others back into their container.

I sank into the warm bath water and let myself relax for a while. The drug started to kick in and the deafening throb of my arm subsided to a dull ache, but my brain was getting a little fuzzy too. I sat staring at the ceiling and closed my eyes for a second, which must have been a bit more because I awoke to my bandaged wrist falling into the water.

How annoying, I would have to re-do the bandages on that, it wasn't too difficult, Shizu-chan had beaten me up enough times for me to pick up some first aid skills. I pulled myself out of the bathtub, and dragged my feet toward the towel rack to fetch a towel. Draining the tub reduced the steam in the room so that I could clearly see my body reflected in the glass of the mirror.

I avoided my own gaze, looking over the distorted form that was my body, I really hated it. Taking the nails of my good arm, I raked my fingers across my chest. They left a line of red scratch marks that seemed to glow against my pale skin.

I drew the towel around me shivering slightly, even though the room was still heated.

Shizu-chan knocking on the door caused me to jump.

"Oi, you still alive in there it's been like an hour."

"I'm fine." My voice sounded a little croaky.

I pushed the door open and Shizu-chan stepped back a little surprised I guess. I felt his eyes bearing down on me and looked up.

"Enjoying the show, Shizu-chan?"

He averted his gaze, and I spotted a slight pink tint to his face, and let a small smile curve across my face.

"Put something on already, I don't wanna have to deal with you catching a cold like some idiot."

"Eh? But Shizu-chan, don't you know, fools don't catch colds." Somehow it was easier to just slip back into this mask. To fall back into a taunting, snarky speech pattern, that little 'normality' of a mask was like my safety net when everything else around me seemed completely unstable. None the less, I went to dress, I didn't enjoy Shizu-chan seeing me naked, plus it was getting cold.

I dug through my dressers and pulled on a pair of boxers and a baggy black shirt. I was reaching for a pair of black sweatpants, when Shizu-chan so rudely barged in.

"Do you mind?" The shirt was long enough to cover everything, but this was still rather embarrassing.

Shizu-chan sighed and held up my phone, from which a very obnoxious ring tone was sounding, Namie was calling, just what I needed.

I snatched the phone from Shizu-chan's hand and allowed the call to come through.

"I ABSOULTEY HATE YOU ORIHARA-SAN."

"Why thank you Namie-san, I'm only your employer. I figure you got my package?"

"Package? It's like a whole truck load of files, what _is_ all this stuff!"

"Think of it like homework, you didn't really think I would pay you that much and not have you doing anything. It's very simple and I included directions for everything. So since I'm a little busy now~"

"You bast—"

I clicked the phone shut, hanging up on Namie. "Yes love you too." I muttered sarcastically.

I went to hand the phone back to Shizu-chan when my vision suddenly went black, and everything around me disappeared, like I was floating in space of a second with no up or down. I came to with my face inches from the floor, floating?

No, Shizu-chan's arm was sturdily locked around my waist preventing me from hitting the ground. My phone was not so lucky I spotted it battery and back side separated from the rest. I felt too light-headed to complain.

* * *

Nyuu ;_; thank you for all the amazing reviews they brighten my day...but I'm so unworthy


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

Shizu-chan laid me down on the bed, and went to fetch the pair of pants that I had dropped. He had to help be getting into them, as my body wasn't responding correctly. I was actually a little glad that nothing seemed to operate in my body or else I would have been blushing in this situation.

This was really not the way I wanted to spend my life, sitting around like some pathetic kid. I was totally fine; and definitely didn't need my worst and probably most dangerous enemy caring for me. I still couldn't figure out Shizu-chan, this was completely against everything he had ever done. That was always what pissed me off, the fact that he seemed to have no rhythm as a human. Everything he did was so random and spur-of-the-moment, like the way a wild creature would act.

"You alright now, flea, or do I have to stay?"

I tched. "I want my phone back, if you would be so kind Shizu-chan."

He pieced it back together with less difficulty than I would have thought, Shizu-chan never looked like one to be good with technology; _could I get nothing right about this man!_

He held my phone out to me,

"Thanks." I mumbled, refusing to make eye contact. Really why _him_ of all people to have to see me in this state?

Shizu-chan pulled his hand back away from mine as my fingers brushed against his skin.

"Geez, flea, did you take an ice bath or something?"

"No actually."

I turned my phone on and started to surf the web.

"Your hands are freezing." He placed the back of his hand on my cheek.

I twitched involuntarily, and moved instinctively away, from the hand that could warp steal posts with a mere flick of the wrist.

"Sorry." Shizu-chan said, "But you're totally freezing."

"I'm always like this, so I would appreciate if you left me alone."

"I really don't think it's normal to be that cold all the time; maybe if you eat more, your body will have enough energy to actually produce some body heat."

"I really don't care what you think Shizu-chan, unless of course, you think it's time for you to leave, to which I would completely agree."

"Really? Because I think you do care about what other people think, you care a lot, probably a little too much."

I glared and Shizu-chan sighed and left me to my surfing.

I relaxed as he left the room, and laid down my phone, and leaned into my pillows. It was barely after noon; and I was exhausted. I had been tired a lot more lately, and those mini-blackouts had been getting more common, although that last one was a lot worse than the others, and had kind of scared me.

I curled up back under my sheets, shivering, and unconsciously brought my hand to my cheek feeling slight remains of warmth from Shizu-chan's hand. I was careful to position myself in a way where I wouldn't roll over on to my wrist, and let sleep over take me.

_[Shizuo]_

I breathed my own sigh of relief, getting out of the room. People had always said that being around the flea was really stressful and almost scary, but he'd never done more than piss me off before. The way he was now, totally vulnerable and pathetic; I never thought I would have to worry about breaking him.

He had always been that freak who had never shown any fear of my strength to the point of belittling it. As much as it pissed me off and made my life a living hell, without the flea's asshole of an attitude around me, things felt off.

It was really tiring to try and deal with the flea this way. What I really wanted was for him to just give me some smirk and shoot a complicated insult at me, so that I could toss something heavy at him and just get rid of the problem nice and easy. But that louse just had to make everything difficult, and there was no way I could get even remotely angry at something that looked that pathetic.

I was lost in my thoughts are glanced at the clock to realize that I had been standing here for nearly an hour, the room behind me seemed silent enough so I was hoping the flea would give me a few minutes rest, and eased the door open to check.

No such luck for me. He was shivering again, but the sheets were still fine.

_Wait, he could be…crying?_


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

I had always loved dreams, twisted and defying the laws that normally bound humans in the real world; they were the picture of how truly distorted the mind could become.

I usually wrote down my dreams as they were so much fun that I couldn't possibly forget them, besides some of them were just brilliant works of art, and I would happily admit to ending Shizu-chan's life in many of them.

This however was not a dream, and I believed that it was over stepping the bounds of a nightmare. It was a haunting reoccurring message, constantly badgering my nights, and crossing over into my waking hours as well. It has been said that having the same dream over and over again is a sign that either you have a skill in precognition or that you were simply going insane.

I refused to believe that I was truly insane, a little out of the ordinary in my thinking, yes, but not to the point of really being insane. However, I refused for these images to become a permanent part of my fate.

Standing in front of an overly large tent, like that of a circus, and finding myself walking forward into its foreboding entrance, it was like an over played movie; but a movie like some horror show that no matter how much you knew what was coming, it never failed to scare you out of your wits. Such was the scene playing out, yet again, before me.

I knew every part of this dream, and yet it never stopped hurting.

Mirrors, glass fragments; it was a giant twisted fun-house, centered around one of those obnoxious mirror mazes. I really hated this, because nothing was real here, and I seemed to have no control over my body and movements. No matter how much I wanted to close my eyes and not see the images in the mirrors, they remained open.

Every image was me, my body, repeated countless ways, each image deformed in its own hideous way. Bulging, missing limbs, crisscrossed with scars, little more than bones, and morbidly obese; that wasn't me.

I refuse to admit that I am insane, and I also refuse to admit that these are images of the future. I will maintain control in the real world, not in this worthless dream.

But as much as I strive to call it worthless, it haunts me, and as little as I want to admit it, scares me. I do not want to be marred, fat, or otherwise deformed, I'm terrified of being something so far from perfect.

How can something so far from perfect ever ascend to the level of a god? Of an immortal?

_Stop. Stop. Stop._ I ran through the maze blindly smashing the mirrors into shards, anything to get rid of the countless distorted, flawed images.

I felt my flesh bubbling, inflating, and distorting. Don't tell me there are no such things as physical pains in dreams, because that is absolutely a lie; I can definitely feel my body be distorted and becoming more and more imperfect.

"Oi"

I voice breaks through my dream, dragging me back to reality.

It takes a moment to realize what's going on.

I'm trembling, and crying; like I usually did from nightmares. But something was different.

Shizu-chan was there. Not so much in the romantic clingy way. But in the way of a solid existence a sturdy pillar that is just comforting in that it's always there to lean on; a single unchanging existence in this fluid, ever changing world.

"Feeling the urge to laugh at this pathetic state of mine?" My voice was just barely above failing me.

"Not really." Shizu-chan's voice sounded detached.

He helped me sit up, and look of slight panic flashed across his features when he drew his hands away from me.

"You're bleeding." He stated bluntly, showing me his hand, which did in fact have some blood on it.

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Thank you all again for the wonderful comments


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

I drew my hand up to my shoulder, which had bled through my shirt.

"It's that old wound you gave me from the street sign, I took the bandages off and never put them back on, I guess I re-opened the wound." It didn't hurt, the pain killers were still working, so I just felt groggy and numb.

"Let me see it. I'll put new bandages on it; I have plenty of experience with fixing stuff like that; thanks to you."

"No."

"It's bleeding though your clothing; that is a pretty sure sign that you should bandage it."

"It's fine, I'm tired." I tried to roll back over and sleep, or rather fake it so Shizu-chan would leave.

"You can either take off your shirt, or I'll rip it off you."

I glared at him, "Just try."

_[Shizuo]_

"Just try." Was the flea's haughty response; although with his current state they didn't do much damage to me.

However, I decided, that since the flea was being so pathetic, that I would do as he has asked.

I was careful to rip the shirt open from the side away from his injury. His look of shock was rather entertaining.

The cut was bleeding, but not too much, it didn't look infected, and wasn't in desperate need of stitches, so some new bandages would be fine for it.

"Where do you keep your first aid stuff?"

The flea gave me a glare; I met it with mostly uninterested eyes, there was no way he was going to scare me.

His shoulders slumped slightly in defeat, and he pointed to a large black dresser.

"Top drawer."

Half of the drawer was filled with various rolls of gauze, bandages, disinfectant, and other first aid equipment. Like me, it seemed the flea had also built up a larger than normal first aid stash; I guess it came from out lifestyles, and constant fights.

I grabbed a bottle of disinfecting lotion, and a roll of gauze, and medical tape to secure it.

Sitting on the edge of the bed I gently spread the disinfectant. The flea tensed at my touch, not that I could really blame him, I had spent the majority of the time around this man trying to end his life.

It only took a minute to finish dressing the wound. It was annoying, I should be glad for getting a good mark on the flea, but seeing the gash just sorta made me feel like shit.

He had kept his head turned away from me the whole time.

"I'm done, sorry about your shirt, but I think you have a million just like that one."

"Ha, as if you can talk. You must have a thousand of those bartender suits."

I tched, and went to put the gauze back. I shuffled though the other drawers and found another shirt for the flea to wear. I had been right, he did own ton of black long sleeved shirts each only slightly different from the next.

I think I remember something about people with issues finding comfort in consistency.

He put on the garments and fell back into the bed. I went to leave, but I felt a small tug on my sleeve.

The flea was holding onto me with a light grip of two fingers, but he was never the less, reaching out.

"What now?"

He voice was muffled by the sheets, but I was able to catch the single word that he uttered in a whispered voice.

"Stay."

I sighed, and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm still here. I'm not gonna argue with you, you're pretty damn pathetic right now."

However, I couldn't help but think it was just slightly, remotely, barely…cute.

* * *

Ahh slow updates are slow, going into overdrive mode at school right now so updates are going me becoming somewhat slower

Thank you for reading and reviewing as always though. (Nothing beats coming home from a day of that torture they call education to see awesome reviews ^^)


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Shizuo]_

I leaned back into a more comfortable position on the king sized bed.

The flea's breathing evened out after a few minutes, he must be really worn out to be able to fall asleep that quickly.

I sighed; I guessed that I should probably stop referring to him as a flea, at least for the time being. After all, he was having a self image crisis, so constantly hearing degrading names probably wasn't helping. But really, it was more habit than insult at this point.

It was kinda weird to think of how routine he was in my life. I saw him at least a couple times a week ever since we had met in high school. And from the start, there was this aura of a backstabbing asshole around him. Which after all this time, I could definitely say was completely true about him; sometimes it was best to go with your instinct.

Izaya was a bastard through and through, but if he wasn't like that, then I guess he wouldn't ever really be Izaya.

Still, with his manipulating nature and all, I had always thought that Izaya was a very mentally sound person; he really seemed like the last person to ever have an identity crisis.

But he was always saying, 'I love humans.' And wasn't he human? But Izaya had never included himself among them, I had always just assumed that he was just implying that he was above other humans, but maybe he had isolated himself from other from the start. Shinra and I were probably the closest things he had ever had as friends, since we had at least stayed around him a bit, while most people took the first chance they had to run away.

Izaya shifted in his sleep.

He looked calm and relaxed for the first time in a while.

His pale complexion against the black sheets was like a yin-yang scene. I unconsciously moved my hand to brush his hair out of his face. His sleeping form was drawing me in. Absent was his usual snarky grin, mocking eyes, and stabbing voice; it was just an innocent face right now.

And I was finding myself leaning down, and hesitating for a moment before gently pressing my lips against Izaya's.

I pulled back slightly feeling his breath softly against my lips, and completely shocked at what I had just done. His breath had remained steady, so I assumed that he was still asleep.

I settled down more and felt myself being drawn into my own realm of sleep, being followed by an onslaught of confused thoughts of my actions. They didn't stop me from finding sleep; dealing with Izaya was still pretty stressful, especially having to completely tame my strength around him.

_[Izaya]_

I stirred myself awake for a moment as I felt something shifting next to me.

I flinched instinctively, but relaxed the second I realized that it was Shizu-chan I found myself relaxing. Even though my body was relaxed, my mind was reeling. How could I possibly be calmed by the presence of my worst enemy, by the man who had set his sights on killing me from the second we had met? And yet I was calm, relaxed, and…comforted.

Reality was turning into a place equally twisted as my lucid dreams.

Turning my head so I could see Shizu-chan, I almost laughed at his face. His sleeping face looked extremely perplexed, like a small child trying to understand the conversation of someone much older and educated. Even though I knew him to be a monster, he was just so innocent looking right now that I could almost forget that fact. I wished I had my phone to take a picture of that face of his, for blackmail uses of course.

My lips felt dry, and I dragged my tongue across them to wet them, and let out some odd mix of a sigh and smile. They tasted distinctively smoky, like nicotine. Not that I was a smoker, that stuff was terrible for your skin, but I would admit to experimenting on nearly everything during my younger days, and I wasn't one to forget experiences.

I drew my tongue across my lips again trying to taste the faint smoke.

I whispered lightly, "I guess we're even now huh, Shizu-chan?"

_So the game is tied again?_

* * *

Let's not get into how much I fail at getting this updated Thank you so much for the reviews, seriously so unworthy ._.


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

However, I was not going to lose this game. I disliked losing, and tying was even worse, no, I wanted to win this game. I wasn't going to become some little plaything for Shizu-chan, or some docile kitten for his to fondle over. While there was no way I could even win should it come down to a true battle of strife, I had a large chance, especially against Shizu-chan and his limited knowledge, in a game of minds, and words. I was rather confident that I would be able to outthink Shizu-chan.

I shifted my body slightly so that I could rest my head on Shizu-chan's shoulder; it wasn't half as uncomfortable as I had thought it would be.

Even though I wanted to stay awake to see Shizu-chan's reaction, I found myself being lulled to sleep by the brute's rhythmic breathing. The only things on my mind were how messed up this entire situation was; I must have somehow slipped into some weird otaku story.

But, with my mind on Shizu-chan, somehow, as I fell back asleep, I knew that I wouldn't be haunted by that nightmare.

_[Shizuo]_

The presence of another body near, and partially on top of me, caused me to flinch out of reflex. I remembered the situation quickly. I had fallen asleep on Izaya's bed, after kissing him…

So what was he doing on top of me! I tried to take a deep breath, all my panicking and shifting around was bound to wake up Izaya.

Izaya groaned, too late, he had already woken up. He pulled himself off my arm, propping his body up until it could rest without being supported by my body.

His hair was slightly mussed and he drew a hand to rub his eyes; the image of an innocent kid waking up. I had known Izaya far too long to believe that he was innocent, but I wouldn't deny that it was very cute, a very disturbing thought indeed.

Of, course the cuteness is gone in an instant when he recovers himself, and a Cheshire grin spreads across his face.

"Ne, Shizu-chan looks all flustered."

"Shut up, Izaya."

_I was _not_ flustered._

"Hmf. I think you are lie—wait, what did you call me? My name? Really, that's rare Shizu-chan."

"You prefer I call you flea?"

"Not really." He curled back up, and feigned sleeping.

He was obviously avoiding further questioning; had he always been this easy to figure out?

"Oi." I poked him, and Izaya cracked an eye open, "If you're awake enough to be an ass then time to eat something."

He grouched and pulled himself off the bed, "Who's the ass now?"

"Shut up, or I'll have Shinra hook you up to an IV and strap you to the bed, with no internet and no cell phone."

I felt Izaya's glare from behind me, and chose to ignore it. Perhaps I could get him to eat by making him think he was somehow spiting me in the process.

Izaya plopped himself on a countertop, and eyed me unhappily.

"What do you want to eat?" I shuffled though his fridge, surprised to find it fully stocked, and filled with a lot of nicely prepared meals, they were however, completely untouched.

"Nothing."

I rolled my eyes, "That's not an option. You have all this food in here, if you never eat anything, where is this from?"

"I cook, because it's interesting. I make them as healthy as possible, but they are still just far to calorie filled."

"Then why keep them?"

"I get 'guests' a lot, nice to have something to feed them with."

"You just throw out everything else?"

"Well, do you want me to let rotten food sit in my house?"

I pulled out some pasta and salad dish, "So what is this? You're eating it by the way; I can't believe you let all this food go to waste."

"It's called Greek Orzo Salad; it's made to be served cold, and is quiet the underappreciated dish. And why is the world so intent on fattening me up?"

"No one is fattening you up, it's called a healthy weight, and you are way under that."

"No I'm not, thus the dieting."

"Dieting? That's what you think this is? You're barely forty-five kilograms, which is underweight."

Izaya was clutching his arms around his chest, causing the oversized shirt to slip down, revealing a bony and bandaged shoulder.

His voice was a whisper, "I'm not underweight." His voice sparked up, and he was yelling, "I'M NOT!"

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Sorry i fail so hard at keeping this updated, but I haven't written anything new in like..ever... school is eating up my life. I'll try to get something written this weekend.

Again thanks for all the awesome reviews ^_^


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Shizuo]_

He was just way to pathetic looking right now. But even a kitten can try a guy's patience, and this one is definitely trying mine. This is NOT the Izaya I know, it's some sniveling brat who can't seem to look in a mirror without running into frenzied panic.

While Izaya was busy having his breakdown, I shifted through the drawers and located utensils. I was getting pretty tired of trying to be nice with Izaya; that just never worked with him, everything had to be forced.

He was too lost in thought to notice that I was standing over him until I was directly in front of him, holding out a mouthful of the pasta salad.

"N-"

I didn't bother to let him finish his complaint, just shoving the food into his mouth the second it was open. I clamped my hand over his mouth to ensure that it would stay closed.

"Chew it and swallow, or choke it down, I don't really care at this point."

He thrashed around and tried to pull my hand off. I shoved Izaya down onto the counter.

"Fucking eat already." I moved my hand so that it was covering both his mouth and nose, "You might just suffocate if you don't swallow."

I felt his jaw moving under my hand, and removed my hand from his mouth once I was sure he had swallowed. Izaya inhaled deeply, and eyed me with a worried, terrified eyes; it wasn't as intimidating, his once piercing ruby eyes were much duller than usual, probably from his lack of nutrition. I got another mouthful ready.

"So am I going have to repeat that process, or do you wanna try eating by yourself?" I held up the mouthful to Izaya.

Although it was blatant that he was unhappy, Izaya parted his lips and began slowly chewing. It looked like he was ready to cry as he swallowed again, and saw me lifting another mouthful towards him.

"Really Shizu-chan?"

"Yes really, two bites Izaya? You can't possibly think that counts as a meal by any standard."

I could swear that he was starting to hyperventilate; where the hell was the haughty backstabbing person known as Orihara Izaya? Because he would never let his face slip like this.

I almost thought he wasn't going to open his mouth, but he did at the last moment; I didn't _really_ want to have a repeat of the forced feeding session. It seemed Izaya was having other ideas though, as he was chewing extremely slowly and had a look like he was ready to spit.

"It's not as if it tastes bad or anything, you seemed to be a pretty good cook, so what is your problem!"

After an effort to swallow and a few deep breaths he snarled back, "Like you could understand? I want to love humans, and to be able to love them all to the fullest extent it is impervious that I be as perfect as possible, in both mind and body. A monster like you, who doesn't need to care for anything but its random savage rage attacks couldn't possibly understand."

"Why can't you ever just answer a question without twisting it into an insult?"

"Because I hate you Shizu-chan."

"Yah, you say that all the time Izaya. But you know what? You go out of your way to piss me off. To stalk me down all the way in Ikebukuro, you say you hate me, so why do you keep seeking me out?"

Izaya just glared at me, so I threatened him with another mouthful, and I wasn't gonna lie, I was definitely enjoying the terror in his eyes at the sight of food. He tried to inch away from me, so I put the plate down so that I could have a free hand. I pushed Izaya back down by his neck, he started kicking me, but even his hardest kicks were barely noticeable. I used the same trick as last time to get him to swallow the mouthful, and then tried another, each time his protests were getting weaker. I stopped when we were halfway through the dish, and let go of Izaya.

"Feel like answering?"

His breath was ragged, and he brought his good arm up to cover his face and muttered something.

"What was that?" I leaned forward towards him.

He lifted his arm so that his mouth was free, "I don't know why Shizu-chan, I don't fucking know, ok?"

There were tears in his eyes. He slid off the countertop and onto the floor; he just sat there, body shivering slightly. And I might have felt bad for him, but I was still a little high from the power I finally had over Izaya.

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Yes sorry I abuse Izaya a lot in this ; ;


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Shizuo]_

"Tch. Anyways, what the hell do you mean you 'don't' know'? Aren't you an informant? You should know at least know what ever shit is going in your own head."

"If I said I don't know, then I don't. Sorry for not being perfect Shizu-chan, I am trying by best, of that I can fully assure you." He recovered his breath and his haughty attitude, "Perhaps I would be better able to conjure up an appropriate rebuttal to your questions if I weren't being strangled."

"Or you could just eat like a normal person and this whole situation wouldn't have happened."

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP! _You_ have no idea Shizu-chan, you don't understand. Fuck, I don't understand, so how the hell can you! So just shut up already, and leave me alone!" Even though he was screaming at me, his eyes were filled with fear and body shaking.

Some saying was like even a mouse will fight back even when it's cornered by a bear; figures a louse like Izaya would still be trying to prove to me, and mostly himself that nothing was wrong.

I sighed, "You really don't think you have anything weird about your eating habits?"

"They were perfectly fine until you nearly choked me to death, forcing crap I didn't need down my throat!"

"Can't you even see yourself? You're in idiot if you can't even notice how emaciated your body is right now."

"I can fucking see myself Shizu-chan, and I'm trying very hard not to pollute it with crap like that. I'm already buried in the filthy underworld, how can I possibly allow something that I can so fully control get out of hand. One can never fully control another person, it's what makes my job so hard after all, to actually have full control over something, how can you expect me not to use it to its fullest!"

"All you're doing is slowly killing yourself, and looking pathetic as hell while doing so. You think it makes you look like you have power or something, you're just acting like a stuck up brat, and no one will ever really give a shit about you like that."

"I know that." His voice was softer now, "No matter what I do, no matter how much I love humanity, no matter how much I strive to show them my love, not one will ever look back at me." His eyes were glazed over when he looked up, milky brick instead of the normal intense ruby gaze, "Why is that Shizu-chan?" He was raking his nails across his chest, hard, he was going to start breaking skin at this rate, "What's wrong with this body, that everyone hates it so much?"

I sighed, and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, getting into a rage definitely wasn't going to get anywhere in this situation. I knelt down so that I was eye level with Izaya, and slowly reached out to stop his arm; I was making my movements very deliberate so that he wouldn't freak out. When my fingers finally made contact with his arm, Izaya flinched and hit my arm away.

His body stopped shivering, but he refused to look at me, his voice was calm, collected, but above all it was cold, "Don't touch me."

I obeyed and leaned back, taking a seat on the floor across from Izaya. I put my arms down, and made no further movements to touch him.

Izaya rose without looking at me or saying anything, and padded down the hall to his bedroom, and closed the door softly behind him. I had to give him a lot of credit there, I would have probably stormed down the hall, destroying everything in my path and nearly rip the door from its hinges from slamming it so hard. Everything was quiet inside the apartment now; Izaya was the type who would keep his weaknesses to himself. He was probably going to stay away from me until he was calm enough to fake a mask for the rest of the day, or for however long I was here. I didn't really care so much about that, I had planned on staying here long enough to make sure Izaya was eating and would no longer be a pain for Shinra; this was turning into a task more difficult than I have thought.

I sighed and decided to look for something to feed myself, and wait for Izaya to make an appearance.

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Let's not talk about how much I fail at updating..but every time I'm like, "Oh look a weekend to write." School is like 10 million essays and track is like meet every weekend...  
I'll try harder, promise!


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: I Do NOT own DURARARA!**

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[Izaya]

I was lying face up on my bed just staring blankly, everything felt numb. My body and mind had stopped screaming at me, and had just seemed to fade off. I wasn't warm or cold, angry or scared just numb; and so I was waiting to see if any feeling would come back to me. All I felt was numbness, which was better than the pain before. Not physical pain, but more of a guilty pain, that I had done something horrible and disgusting by ingesting so much foul substance into my mouth. My mind had been screaming and cursing me for being so weak, and succumbing to not only that monster but to food.

How could I be so weak that I could just let myself eat so much and not even try to stop, I should have been thrashing and trying harder, obviously I wasn't even good enough for that?

I felt repulsed and was fighting the urge to shower again and scrub my body until it was completely clean. I was feeling more and more ill as the feeling in my body slowly came back to me, and had to suppress the urges to simply vomit back all the calories I had be forced to ingest. That thought, that I would do something so filthy was appalling in itself, I would have to find a way to get rid of Shizu-chan, or I would end up getting even worse than this.

Pulling myself up, I dressed in a more acceptable fashion, and braced myself to open the door into the main room of my apartment. Shizu-chan or not, I did have a job to do, and clients to serve, some of which I would really rather not be on the bad side of. I had done a lot of planning, and carefully building on my many online personas, I was not going to let Shizu-chan and his sudden mother hen activities interfere any further with my work.

I walked through the hallway to my desk quickly without acknowledging Shizu-chan at all, even though his presence in the room was blatantly obvious. After so many years of near death chases and fights, every muscle was yelling me to start running from Shizu-chan's presence, although, it was much less, malicious than usual. I was doing my best to keep calm, and as I signed into various chat rooms to check the logs, and started sifting through forums and news boards, I found myself easily dropping into the virtual world. My real form disappearing replaced by my online names, Kanra was one of my favorites. She was always so care free, and yet very informed, she was as close to me as any of the others, except for the obvious gender factor, I even had a fake ID with her information and gender marker on it; from an old hobby that no longer interested me.

I wasn't too surprised when I opened my e-mail to find hundreds of unread mails, most of them were unimportant, but a few caught my attention, I copied them to research further into later. My last e-mail was a more secret one, for my higher priority clients, currently being the Awakusu-kai, namely Shiki-san who I was in contact with often.

It had been a very tedious task to get so close to this yakuza group, but it was so worth it; as they were not disappointing and proving to be a very fun game to play. Unfortunately, Shiki-san seemed to be set on getting just as much fun out of things as I did. We had a bit of a rivalry going on, trying to make the other lose their mask was one of our favorite games, and as much as I was averse to admitting, Shiki-san was more often the victor, which only made him more fun the opponent.

I had usually been able to make Shizu-chan lose it at any time I wished, but lately he had seemed way to in control which was not biding well with me. I didn't want to lose every game; everything was only solidifying my resolution to be stronger, more perfect, and more in control.

I sighed as my eyes glazed over to Namie-san's desk, as annoying and creepy as she was, Namie-san was a very organized person, I was already starting to miss my secretary; it was looking like I was going to have to start doing my own filing again, it was always a boring task to go through papers, but it had to be done.

I grabbed a stack of papers and started to sift through them, I was getting a head ache almost immediately. I huffed and dug out my glasses, I really didn't like wearing them, and it felt like they altered my image. I felt less like an informant and more like a librarian; still I couldn't do paper work without them on. Shiki-san had some weird issue with me wearing them though; I swear he had a fetish, because it was definitely creepier when I was wearing them.

"Since when did you wear glasses?" Shizu-chan's deep voice broke through my thoughts and the silence of the apartment, causing me to jump a little.

I composed myself quickly, and still refusing to look at Shizu-chan, "I got then when I was a second year in high school."

"Hm, never noticed before."

I ignored him again, focusing on the letters and papers in my hands. I held the papers up higher so that that they blocked my field of view.

I didn't notice Shizu-chan coming closer—who knew the brute could walk without sounding like a stampede—until his hands pulled the page I was holding out of my hands.

I flinched away involuntarily from the towering figure in front of me, my nice switch blade was buried in my jacket pocket far off in my room, and I felt naked without its protection. I had another blade hidden in my desk drawer and slowly let my arm drop to loosen it from the notch in the desk where it rested. As Shizu-chan changed his glance to the paper he had stolen from my hand, I grabbed the blade and concealed in my hand just in case, relief washing over me as the feeling of cold steel in my hand.

Shizu-chan leaned down and looked at me, placing the paper back on the desk, "You look less like an asshole with them on."

"Tch." I still refused to look at Shizu-chan.

"You look like a five year throwing a fit, I knew you were an annoying bastard, but I never knew you were such a brat."

I gritted my teeth in annoyance, and without out fully thinking things through, whipped my arm around flicking the blade out and held it next to Shizu-chan's neck. But years of repeated actions hadn't been lost on Shizu-chan as his hand was around my neck in a flash. We stayed there for a moment, a stalemate reached.

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Omg...-cannot think of excuse for not updating-

So sorry ; ;...but school is such a pain lately...and track has somewhat crippled me (btw it takes skills to have a limp in both feet..just saying, skills I tell you SKILLS).

Going to try and work harder to get something written down


	37. Chapter 37

_[Izaya]_

This wasn't anything new, and I had been in this position often, a movement away from killing, and the same from being killed. On the streets, a distraction of some sort usually provided an adequate interference for me to escape Shizu-chan's vice grip and maybe get a hit in. However, in my secluded apartment, that wouldn't be a very probably occurrence; I cursed myself for not thinking this whole thing through, Shizu-chan's animalistic impulses must be rubbing off on me.

Even with Shizu-chan in a position to easily strangle me or just simply break my neck, I wasn't looking up as Shizu-chan. I knew that the fact that I wouldn't meet Shizu-chan's gaze was probably making me look scared, but I really didn't want to meet that deep brown gaze. The memory of Shizu-chan's eyes bearing down at me was haunting, their intensity had gone far beyond his normal look of rage, it was twisted and laced with so many emotions that I couldn't even begin to decipher them.

Shizu-chan's free hand moved up and gripped the hand that was grasping the blade. As my other hand was currently out of commission I couldn't do much about it; I _really_ should have thought this through better, in a match of strife, I knew that I would never emerge the victor. I let Shizu-chan's hand push my blade away, although he surprised me by letting me keep the blade, and removing his other hand from my neck, as he did so his hand brushed against by earlobe.

"Ah." I let out a sound without meaning to, and immediately bit down on my lip to shut myself up. I was sure that I could feel my face heating up as I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. I turned my gaze up just enough to see something pass through Shizu-chan's eyes, but it passed so quickly, that I couldn't tell what exactly it was, although there was a face of surprise that I didn't miss. I quickly turned my gaze back down.

_[Shizuo]_

Izaya was refusing to meet my gaze, which was weird, usually his intense mocking eyes followed me taunting. But for some reason that spark was not longer there, the look that usually adorned Izaya's face was missing. Even his bright ruby orbs seemed dimmed as they shied away from me; it was probably due to his malnutrition, but for some reason, the glasses he wore completely changed his image. He looked more, vulnerable, and almost cute with them on; while I didn't mind Izaya looking nervous and worried, it was kinda weird for him to be so passive about everything.

I pushed the knife away from my neck, slightly surprised when there was little resistance from Izaya, but in his current state I guessed even he could figure out that there was really no way he could win. I let Izaya keep holding the knife as his hand dropped below the desktop; he made no move to attack again. I carefully removed my hand from his neck, brushing against his earlobe as I did so, Izaya mewed softly when I touched his ear, but immediately shut up a soft tint rising to his cheeks. I resisted the urge to grin, _guess everyone has weaknesses_. I pulled the glasses off his face causing Izaya to turn his head up towards me in surprise, tch, he still thought I was nothing more than some monster who was incapable of doing anything without destroying everything in the area, not that I could really blame him, after all I had spent most of the time I had known his chasing after the 'flea' and trying to kill him.

His face was still slightly flushed and I couldn't help myself from grinning a little, I could almost understand why Izaya enjoyed messing with people so much, it was actually pretty fun so see someone lose their mask. The look he gave me, no longer blurred by the lenses was seething and annoyed.

"Hm, that looks more like the Izaya I know. As much as I hate you, I have to say, you look a lot better pissed and mocking than you do a sniveling brat."

Izaya narrowed his eyes at me, "Shizu-chan, can I help you with something? If you haven't noticed I'm trying to work, unlike you I actually have a well established job."

"You know you look a lot different with glasses on?" I ignored his complaints.

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Pfft short update is short, sorry I don't have much time lately damn you exams


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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[Shizuo]

"Why is everyone so obsessed with the stupid glasses?" Izaya's voice seemed genuinely annoyed.

"Everyone?" I echoed, other people actually knew he wore them? I felt a little out of the loop, not that I really cared about him.

"Yes, I do see other people you know."

"I find it hard to believe that there are actually people in the world who can deal with you and your annoying asshole comments for extended periods of time."

"Tch." Izaya seemed to want to drop the conversation, "I believe I already stated that I'm actually quite busy and need to finish going through these papers, and so would you kindly return my glasses so that I can continue with my work?"

Izaya reached a tentative hand towards his glasses, the knife had seemingly vanished, but I knew better, he probably had it concealed somewhere. His eyes flashed up at me a hint of nervousness behind them as he reached and snatched his glasses back, and placed them on his face. Lifting up the paper he had been holding before he returned to the work; his eyes darted around a little too much for him to be actually reading the sheet, he was still on guard.

I sighed and stepped away from the desk so that I was no longer in reaching range of Izaya, "I was just curious about these people who actually have the ability to tolerate your existence."

Izaya lowered the page for a moment, "Dotachin's friends, and some other people I would rather you not know." The curt way he spoke was a definite sign that conversation was not in the question.

While his haughty attitude was pissing me off, I decided to take a deep breath and leave Izaya alone for now. I wandered away from his desk and sank into one of the plush leather couches in the room. It was still kinda annoying to know that someone who was such a back-stabbing bastard would be able to live such a perfect life. The apartment was quiet except for the shuffling of papers and clicking of keys as Izaya texted and typed away; I had to wonder what he classified as work, after all his 'business' was pretty shady. A low hum started off, and the sudden sound caused me to jump a little, but I realized that it was the heater kicking on.

_What the hell!_ It must have been like eighty degrees in this room, there was no way he could actually be cold, well actually no way a normal person would be cold.

I sighed, and a voice started behind me, "You better not go and start complaining about the temperature like that woman. If you don't like it, then I would happily show you out."

"No normal person could possibly need to keep their house this warm in the middle of summer; you're going to make yourself sick this way."

"Implying that I'm some sort of freak? Because I think you are confusing me with you." Izaya's voice seemed to be getting farther away and there was more of an echo.

I turned around to look at what he was doing. He was halfway up the stairs to his loft with a stack of folders in his arms, I couldn't help but notice that he was looking rather pale from the energy he was exerting to perform such a simple task. I laughed a little when I saw that he wasn't going to be able to reach the top shelves of the book cases that lined the wall, but I didn't want to deal with Izaya falling and breaking something else, he complained plenty already.

I rose and loped up the stairs snatching the folder in his hands and placing it into the open space on the shelf. Izaya lowered back down from his tip-toes and gave me an icy glare.

"Did I ask for your help?"

"No, but you looked like an idiot jumping around trying to reach the top shelf, why do you even have book case this tall if you can't reach them?"

Izaya turned his gaze away from me, and turned around so his back was pressing against the book case. From the way his body pressed backward, it was obvious that he wanted to get away from me.

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don't kill me...I warned you before that I'm slow and irregular with updates I blame school...darn you finals and regents =.=;;


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Izaya]_

Shizu-chan's shadow loomed over me, his huge form blocking any exit route. I pressed my back into the shelf behind me feeling the sharp corners of books and folders biting into my back and neck; I hardly realized, focusing on putting every extra inch between Shizu-chan and me, while also keeping an eye out for a possible escape route. I was cursing my body right now, it was moving way too slow, as much as my mind was willing it to bolt, my legs seemed content to creak along as a snail's pace. I was forcing myself to keep an even breath, it was difficult because my heartbeat was racing, and my head was spinning.

I closed my eyes for a second and took a breath; without having to look Shizu-chan in the eyes this was much easier, and I let myself slip back into my care-free tone, "Ne, Shizu-chan. None of this is really your business in the first place."

"As if that's ever stopped you from poking your nose into everyone else's lives?"

"Ehh? But that's because I love humans so much that I want to know everything about them." I dramatically drew my hand to my chest in mock sincerity.

"Know about them? You just wanna fuck with them and watch them squirm." Shizu-chan growled.

I immediately felt more in control when Shizu-chan started to lose his grip; that gave me the ego boost to keep on running my mouth. "I was to see their reactions to different things. If someone has evolved higher than the rest I want to be able to be there to watch and congratulate them!"

Shizu-chan's fist glided past my head missing it by mere millimeters, slamming and severely denting the shelf behind me. I flinched involuntarily from the deafening crunching sound; Shizu-chan was still pretty much in control, as much as he was a monster, his punches were never random, he had missed me on purpose. That was just annoying; did he really think that I wanted sympathy? At this stage, I was treading on thin ice, watching Shizu-chan get pissed off was fun, but I didn't plan on being murdered in my apartment today. Shizu-chan's form was trembling from the effort he was putting up to not kill me. He was always so difficult, doing things like this, completely out of the blue with no sense of logic or rhythm, he showed no sign of the complex thinking that human's were capable of, so why was it that he was the only one able to keep up with me?

"I seriously don't get you sometimes. You are so fucking messed up in the head, do you know that!" Shizu-chan voice was raspy, "Why do you have use such dirty tricks on everyone? If you want someone to talk to or want someone to look at and notice you then you should fucking say it! Don't go around trying to make the world hate you."

I felt my eye widen at Shizu-chan's words, my throat felt dry as I tried to find a retort, I stumbled around my words, "That's…what are you…I…" My eyes flashed up towards Shizu-chan, curse this man who had somehow managed to get me flustered, "Don't try and play physiologist on me, you don't know anything about me."

"Then why is it you got so flustered? Tch, see you can never just admit anything, have to lie about it, and twist the words around into an insult." He lowered his fist from the indent in the shelf, "You just make it obvious that you're running away from something. For all your talk and backstabbing, everything is always indirect because you don't even have it in you to actually face people when they find out what an ass you really are."

I found myself in a jumble, which as usually happens with humans, funneled into a pointless rage directed at entirely the wrong person. I felt tears pricking my eyes, and I turned my face away from Shizuo's, and swung my fist blindly forward, feeling the solid impact on Shizuo's chest, which probably didn't even register to him. "Shut up." I muttered, "Just, SHUT UP! I don't…don't want to hear this…not from you…why do I have to hear this from iyou/i of all people!" I felt myself slipping, and feeling sick. The anger filtered out of my body replaced by a sense of filth; I just wanted to rid my body of everything.

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Just got back from a summer program at Vassar college..and since I'm now procrastinating my summer AP assignments...expect some more updates..finally ^^;;;


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Durarara!**

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_[Shizuo]_

Watching Izaya falling apart in front of me was something that I had always thought I would enjoy, but in reality, it was just a really pathetic sight. While I still really didn't care much for his as person, since there wasn't really a way that I could go and say he didn't deserve some shit for all the lives he's fucked up; but being the kind of guy I was, it was kinda hard to watch someone just totally falling apart.

I didn't even feel the Izaya's punch, and yes I was strong and all, but Izaya could usually inflict a little more than that. It was still surprising how much weaker he was becoming. He was back in a curled up position on the floor and fighting back tears; Izaya had been the last person that I had expected to see cry, and yet it had happened multiple times now. It was impossible to deny the possibility that he had just finally completely lost it, but I had a feeling that this wasn't insanity, but something was really wrong.

As much as I just wanted to kick Izaya while he was down and leave him to deal with own problems, I wouldn't let myself. I was determined to be a better person that Izaya would be; besides I had kinda promised Shinra that I would deal with Izaya and for all the help Shinra had been I did own him a lot.

Izaya shifted and staggered to his feet, I reached out a hand to help him up, but Izaya slapped my hand away.

"Don't touch me." His voice was angry? Or scared?

Either way, I let him drag his feet back down the stairs and back on to his computer. I sighed as his raven hair disappeared behind a large computer monitor, I could swear that there was some kind of dark aura being emitted from that desk. I sighed deciding to let Izaya simmer down at a distance.

This was taking way longer than I had thought. I had figured that giving him a good whack and a lecture would be enough, but nothing was ever easy with Izaya. I leaned over on the railing of the loft glancing around the huge apartment again; the slightest bit of jealousy rising.

"Oi, you can't just hide behind that screen for your whole life."

"On the contrary Shizu-chan. The world is quickly turning into a wonderful technological masterpiece, everyone may be stuck behind a screen very soon, you don't notice nearly every youth passing by with their noses buried in cell phones?" His voice was annoying and high pitched, back to normal I guess.

"You'll get fat for real if all you do is hide in an office."

There was a pause, short but noticeable to someone who had been listening to Izaya's constant blabbing for years. "Che, how mean Shizu-chan, that really hurts you know? I work so hard trying to look my best for you~"

Ugh, "That's just gross you louse."

"Shizu-chan is so cruel. Ne~~" His voice shot up to high girly whine, shooting my blood pressure up with it, "Does Shizu-chan not love Iza-chan back?"

I could easily imagine the smirk plastered across his face right now. I didn't even notice my fist clenching up until the _snap_ of a piece of railing being torn off. I sighed.

"I hope you realize that I am going to charge you for the vandalizing of my home."

The metal rod was half way to Izaya before I actually realized the action had been performed. It narrowly missed him and embedded itself a few inches deep in the floor behind Izaya and his chair.

Izaya starting laughing, spinning around in his chair, he really did look insane.

"Hahahahaha~ Shizu-chan really needs to learn how to control his anger."

While he was busy acting like a psychopath I went back to his fridge and extracted another tuber-ware sealed meal. His laughing ceased as the sound of the fridge door slamming shut reached Izaya's ears. I relished in the sight if his eyes widening in fear, though it was much more controlled.

I weighed the dish in my hand, nonchalantly muttering, "Control what now?"

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-dislikes writes block- ahh and I finally actually have time to be writing too


	41. Chapter 41

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Durarara!**

_[Izaya]_

My euphoria met a premature death as the sound of my fridge door closing reached my ears. I forced myself to look back at Shizu-chan, and of course he was holding up yet another of those stupid meals I had bothered to pack away. Shizu-chan was smirking at me with a predatory look in his eyes, his cold and distanced voice sent a shiver through my spine.

"Control what now?" His deep voice echoed in my studio apartment.

As he started walking toward me, ever muscle in my body was screaming to run from the oncoming threat; I forced them down, no way was I going to run from Shizu-chan not in my own territory like this.

I cringed as Shizu-chan's form towered over me. A soft clunk drew my gaze up to Shizu-chan. He had placed the dish on my desk and was calmly holding out chopsticks. I eyed him warily; there was no way I was going to have a full blown panic attack while Hewajima Shizuo, the Fighting Doll of Ikebukuro kept such a relaxed stance.

"Ne, Congrats Shizu-chan, you're getting really good at controlling your anger, I bet you just can't wait to catch me off guard?" I clapped my hands a mock grin spread across my face.

"If you can sit here mocking someone who could you with one good blow then you can feed yourself right?"

I shot Shizu-chan a glare, was he really serious about this?

He leaned in, "You don't _enjoy_ being force fed do you? I would be all that surprised, considering how completely fucked up you are."

I snatched the chopsticks from Shizu-chan's hand with a glare, and struggled to open the container with a single hand, that was trembling.

"You could just ask for help; or that too far above you Izaya?"

"Eh, well if it can't be opened then it just seems like I won't have to eat it."

Shizu-chan pulled the container from my grasp and opened it, to my disappointment. Couldn't he just give up and leave already?

"Problem solved." He shoved the dish back in front of my face, "Eat."

"I just did a very short time ago, if you had forgotten, you nearly killed me in the process might I add."

"You can nowhere close to death, I would know, it takes a hell of a lot to get rid of something like you. Besides, you have a lot to make up for. Either eat it on your own or we just have a repeat of last time, course if it really bothers you that much, I could just tied you to your bed and have Shinra shove an IV up your arm?"

"I absolutely hate you Shizu-chan."

"Same to you." His eyes remained focused on me.

My hand was trembling just a bit as a raised a tiny morsel to my lips. I willed my body not to shake, to chew, and to swallow; under Shizu-chan's unrelenting aura I forced myself not to lose control. I took another bite without being forced into it by Shizu-chan, resisting the urge to expel every last bit from my system. I stopped attempting to eat after a third bite, my hand trembling too much and my body feeling far too sick. Shizu-chan didn't say anything to my stopping, but I made no further attempt to continue.

He sighed above me, "Guess that's fine for now." He collected the dish and chopsticks and returned to the kitchen.

I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding. Once the nervous feeling faded, the annoyance flooded back. I allowed my typical smirk to cross my face as I flipped through my phone.

"Ne, Shizu-chan makes a cute face when he's sleeping~" I stole a glance upward to see Shizu-chan's back stiffen.

* * *

While I'm sure there are a whole mountian of excuses I could use...no one really wants to hear them

Long story short...taking to many AP courses this year and I don't feel as dedicated to this fandom as when I started this fic. But I kept getting reviews..and I always hate when someone starts a fic and never finishes it...so..I'll do my best.

Thank you to anyone who has continued to watch this. btw sorry for how short the charters are..but they were written for the Drrrkinkmeme which had a character limit and mashing chapters together would mess with the flow and more importantly it would throw off my chapter count.


	42. Chapter 42

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Durarara!**

* * *

_[Shizuo]_

I stiffened at his words. Why the hell does he have pictures of me sleeping, wouldn't put it too far past that creep though. Izaya laughed behind me, and I could feel his eyes burning into my back, watching for a reaction to entertain him. I figured that I would probably annoy him more by ignoring it, and I didn't really feel like fighting again. I was getting over my past anger and was determined to stay in a better mood. I tossed the partially eaten dish into the fridge; I guess it was a slight improvement, him eating by himself.

Izaya didn't seem to be ready to give up, he was pissed at being bested and wasn't going to rest until he had seen his revenge properly attained. "Shizu-chan looks really cute~ I bet, if I posted this online, it would get a lot of views. Ah, or maybe if I just started a mass forward of it?"

I felt a vein readying itself to burst. Less from the fact of Izaya anonymously posting pictures of me online; I had never really cared much for what people thought of me; but that he just didn't seem to know when to stop. It was like a toddler who wanted something; they would just get fixated on something little and annoy the heck out of you until they got it. Except Izaya was worse. Any other normal child would have eventually gotten bored and moved on, but he never seemed to get bored of pissing me off; it was partially my fault since I kept reacting to his taunts, but really? Who in their right mind can actually stare at the face and listen to those rants without wanting to rip his face off?

I yawned and flopped back on Izaya's couch, making a point to look relaxed and sound uninterested, "Go ahead, not like I really care about stuff like that."

"Shizu-chan is so boring." The sound of his chair swirling echoed in the empty studio.

His voice was grating against head, giving me a headache. _I need a smoke_. but I didn't want to listen to Izaya complaining again. Still what difference did it make? He wasn't going to shut up anytime soon.

I pulled a pack out of my back pocket and put a cigarette in my mouth. I went to light it and paused for a moment to see what Izaya would say about it. I saw him glaring from the corner of my eye; I smiled a little raising the lighter. Just as I went to flick it on, Izaya voice broke through.

"Hewajima Shizuo, don't you dare fill up **my** home with the reek of those cancer sticks of yours."

I pulled the cigarette back out of my mouth, "Since when did care about you or your stuff?"

He marched over with a pouting face, and stared at me, daring me to light up. I met his eyes and lit the cigarette, taking a long drag before Izaya reached out and yanked it out of my mouth. I exhaled the smoke in his face just to piss him off. Izaya coughed and dropped the still hot cigarette onto the carpet where it met it's end was a soft hiss, luckily not catching anything on fire, I crushed it out further just for the extra measure, not really caring that I was grinding soot into Izaya's coral white carpets, not my job to clean them. Izaya was still coughing but eventually composed himself enough to start whining again.

"Shizu-_chan_~ that was really mean!" He glanced down, swaying slightly, and huffed, "And look at my carpet, I'll have to get someone to steam clean that out, I should be billing you at this rate."

His breathing shallow, like he needed to gasp but was trying not to look desperate. Tch. There was nothing he wouldn't lie about huh?

Izaya thrust something in my face, I glanced up to see a photo of me asleep on Izaya's sofa attached to a long list of names, none of which I knew.

I raised an eye brow at him. "Who are all these people anyway? If I don't even know them, then I really don't see what your point is."

"Just some people I randomly selected from my mailing list, but they'll talk, you really don't mind? I think it'll be really fun!"

I stood up towering over Izaya, and flicked him on the forehead; it was the equal of being hit with kendo stick, and he reeled back, flinching with pain.

* * *

Yes two, now calm down while I fall back in love with this series and this fic finished...while you're at it feel free to mention anything you want to see in this; i never bothered to plan the plot out so recommendations are fine.

Lastly if anyone ever feels compelled to fix my grammer, please do, my AP English grades would thank you.


	43. Chapter 43

_[Shizuo]_

He stared at me clutching his head where a small bruise was sure to form. And in a single moment whipped out a flick blade and slashed out at me, the wound was shallow, barely making it past my clothing. But it caused me to look down and pause for a second, which was all Izaya needed. He turned on a heel and sprinted to the door wrapping another of those weird furred jackets around him.

It was summer? But it was cloudy outside. Right. Couldn't let Izaya run off like that after wrecking yet another piece of my clothing. It might have occurred to me that Izaya would eventually return to his home, and that there was no need to chase after him, but at this point, it was such a habit that I was half way down the block after him before I thought twice, and even that didn't really stop me.

"III-ZAY-AAA!" My usual battle cry sounded, and the streets already unusually empty cleared to make way for our well know chase. I dug my heels into the concrete probably making dents in some places and chased after Izaya's shrinking form

* * *

_[Izaya]_

Shizu-chan's pounding feet and battle cries echoed behind me, and I picked up speed, even though my lungs felt ready to burst already. I blamed the puff of noxious chemicals Shizu-chan had blown on me, pushing down the _other_ possible reason, which was completely false. A soft mist started to fall as I made my way off the main open streets and into the smaller back roads and alleyways, crowded with garbage and other objects.

The streets were emptying because of the weather, no one wanted to go to show up in the office dripping wet. The sky was darkening and thunder sounded in the distance, and the streets here were almost completely devoid of people. I was a little disappointed at that, it was fun to see people's eyes darting at me trying to catch a glance at the man notorious for setting the Fighting Doll on a rampage; Shizu-chan was a little boring, he always took chase after me.

The rain started coming down heavier, and I turned a little more of my attention to the ground so that I wouldn't slip up. The crunching sound of something being ripped from the ground sounded behind me and quickly turned a corner to avoid the sign post that whizzed by my head. I turned around for a moment, skipping backward, and yell back at Shizu-chan.

"Missed me~" I laughed and kept slipping back, the rain was pelting down and I was drench, my lungs burned and I felt like passing out, but I ignored the pains, it was just from sitting around too much.

"SHUT UP!" Shizu-chan started walking towards me again, rage emanating from his form.

I kept laughing and turned sprinting down the sidewalk. I skidded around a corner and stopped abruptly to catch my breath and narrowly avoided being hit by a car; of course people would still be driving around in the rain like this, and then wondering why they ended up in an accident. I was gasping for breath and the light headed feeling was returning. _Why can't I catch my breath!_ My vision was blurring slightly, or maybe it was just the rain making it hard to see straight, it was making the streets sound muffled.

That was probably why I didn't hear the truck coming at me when I decided Shizu-chan had gotten too close for comfort and sprinted across the street, or _tried_ to sprint across the street.

"OI!" Shizu-chan's voice reached me a second before the blaring of a horn, and I turned to see two large headlights headed toward me. I tried to run, tried to dodge, but my muscles were done, I could force my lungs to take in air or my legs to move. The only thing I managed to do was to close my eyes and wait.

A screeching of brakes and smashing ripped through the air, lightning thrashing in the clouds above.

* * *

To anyone who is still here, I thank you and greatly applaud your patience with this author. Junior year is being absolutely dreadful and I would tell you all about it, but let's face the facts you all just want to story~

But seriously every time I get a review on this story I can't help but be insanely happy. Thanks for sticking around, but we have a long way to go.


	44. Chapter 44

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Durarara!**

* * *

_[Izaya]_

I felt the air knocked out of me, but it was nothing like the impact from a large vehicle should have been. I forced my eyes open, and found myself on the ground and Shizu-chan calmly in front of the vehicle. The vehicle's front was crunched up around Shizu-chan; the brute had actually managed to stop a truck going at near full speed. The question was, why?

I tried to pull enough air into my system to stand up or at least form coherent speech. Again my body wasn't responding, the summer rain was freezing on my flesh, my arms and legs had gone numb.

"You…" Shizu-chan's voice was raspy, "You are such an idiot." He slid down the front of the crushed in vehicle on to his knees and then flat onto the ground breathing slowly.

"I'm an idiot? Who just stepped in front in front of a truck going full speed?" I was slowly getting my breath back and forced myself into a full upright position.

Finally the driver of the truck came out and decided to check on the damage. His broken Japanese only further adulterated by his panicking, "Boy? You alright, is very very much sorry!" His arms were flapping around wildly, and I couldn't really make much sense out of his speech; if I hadn't just died, then it would have been a rather comical scene.

Shizu-chan stood back up, figures the brute would be fine, and waved the guy off muttering that he was fine. He turned and looked down at me, "Need a hand?"

I turned my head away, and tried to force my limbs to work, to no avail.

Shizu-chan sighed above me, and reached down to pull me up to my feet. I almost toppled over again because my legs refused to hold my weight, but managed to stabilize myself by leaning on Shizu-chan. It was taking forever to simply get my legs to take a single step, and Shizu-chan wasn't a very patient person. He wrapped an arm around my waist, and unceremoniously threw me over his shoulder, and started walking back to my apartment.

I was glad now that the streets were mostly devoid of people, since this wasn't a situation that I wanted to be seen in.

"Ow, Shizu-chan I would prefer if you would put me back down, and—" I was cut off when he loosened his grip giving me a split second of a falling feeling.

"If you don't shut up, I might just get annoying and drop you."

I pouted, but remained mostly silent until we were back in my apartment, and dripping all over my carpet. Shizu-chan set me down on the carpet, and I proceeded to fall flat on my ass when my legs refused to hold the weight. I was recovered enough to stand on my own after a few minutes, and started shivering as feeling returned to my limbs.

"You're gonna get sick." Shizu-chan muttered behind me.

"And you're going to destroy my floors." I marched, albeit stiffly, to the bathroom, and whipped a towel at Shizu-chan's face.

He caught it with ease.

"Stand in the kitchen or something and don't get my floor anymore wet."

He rolled his eyes at me, but eventually shuffled to the tile.

* * *

_[Shizuo]_

Izaya slammed into the bathroom, and muttered something from the other side of the door.

"What?" I called out dragging the towel through my hair.

The door open a crack again, "Thanks."

I could see his pouting while having to actually say thanks.

I sighed looking down at my clothes, and shrugged the wet vest and shirt off, they were ripped anyway and would dry faster off my skin.

* * *

My treat to all of you who kept along for this. Off to start my piles of homework and nurse injuries.

Love each and every person who takes the time to read these, even if you don't have time to review, but really reviews are probably one of the most amazing feelings I have experienced during my short life.


	45. Chapter 45

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own DURARARA!**

* * *

_[Izaya]_

I was still shivering, and blamed the blush on my face on the fact that I was freezing. I leaned over and started to fill the tub with hot water, letting the room fill with steam. I peeled my wet clothes off and cringed when I caught a look of myself, the image blurred by the stream but still sharp enough to see the new bruises spreading on my back. My wrist was still bandaged and was swelling, I looked like I had been part of some gang fight, covered in bruises and cuts like this; usually chases with Shizu-chan resulted in a bruise or two, but it was never really life threatening.

Really, after so many years of trying to chase me down, you would think Shizu-chan would have improved his aim a little, but alas my dodging skills reigned supreme. I resisted the urge to drag my nails across my body, as repulsing as it was I figured there were enough scratches for now, the old mark still faintly visible as reddish streaks across my pale skin.

I lowered myself into the water, tensing slightly when the hot water burned my freezing body and refreshed my awareness to every scratch that marred my skin. I was able to relax after a minute or so when my body had adjusted to the temperature, and I felt the tremors that had been wracking my body fade away.

As I relaxed, I allowed my mind to wander and replay through events. It was barely something I had to work to do, my brain seemed to enjoy recording things to the last perfect detail and playing them back; it was helpful in my business so I wasn't complaining. Well, I didn't usually complain, but all I could remember were Shinra and Shizu-chan, and even Shiki-san hounding on me about my looks.

_"Anorexic"_

Why did they all seem to be so stuck on that point? It wasn't remotely true, so I had a naturally high metabolism and an efficient body? Not my fault I didn't enjoy stuffing my face constantly. I felt a dull ache in my stomach, and ignored it. I was doing so well before, hunger pains were nothing, but now after being forced to eat so much for so many days in a row, the pains were back with double power. I groaned and lifted myself out of the bathtub, shivering even though the air was warm from the heat of the stream. Drying myself off, I slipped into a new set of clothes, the shirt was a little too baggy and was slipping down my shoulder revealing the healing wound. I shifted the garment so it fell from the other shoulder, and remembered about my wrist, where the bandages had partially dissolved in the hot water and were soaked through anyway. I pulled the remainder of the bandages off and was annoyed to find that my wrist had swelled again.

I opened the door and took a moment to register the man standing in my apartment. Collecting myself quickly, "Shizu-chan? Would you kindly inform me as to why you are half naked in my kitchen?"

"My clothes were wet."

"tch." I didn't want to bother arguing with him right now. I opened the freezer and pulled out an ice pack and carefully wrapped it around my wrist, tensing at the sudden coldness.

Shizu-chan sighed from behind me, "Here you'll kill your skin with what you're doing." I pulled the icepack off and placed a clean dishtowel around my wrist before replacing the ice.

I was slightly surprised by the gentle way he was handling my arm, but then again, Shizu-chan never did what I thought he would.

I sat down at my desk and starting checking through my e-mails with my good hand.

"You really think it's normal?" Shizu-chan was at it again. Usually he was nice and quiet apart from the 'damn you flea' and 'shut ups' that he usually directed at me. In fact, in the last few days, Shizu-chan had probably said more to me than he had in all the years since Shinra had introduced us.

I finished looking through my e-mails and replied curtly to a few of the important messages, and moved on to checking some popular forum and BBS channels.

Shizu-chan didn't seem detoured by my nonresponsive attitude. "Be honest Izaya, if not with me than at least with yourself. I know you're fucking smart you aced everyone of those science and math classes, you pissed off every teacher because you didn't pay a second of attention and still managed to fly through everything. So, there is no way that somewhere in you messed up brain that you can't find something wrong with the way you're acting. You've got a hell of a lot of problems, but focus on this one. One bite every day or so? You got perfect scores in biology and those health classes. I know you get off lying to everyone around you, but I thought that you would at least be truthful to yourself?"

My fingers slowed on the keyboard, and stopped hovering in the middle of replying to some pointless message. I raised my head above the top of my computer screen, and met Shizu-chan's eyes they were directed straight at me.

And inside me, my head, my body, I couldn't tell; something clicked into place and snapped clean through.

* * *

Guys don't take 4 APs, hold a job, do a varsity sport, try and have a social life and maintain top marks. It's not possible. School ends in 4 days though...finally, but alas summer courses for college credits start in 2 weeks.../what even is free time/


	46. Chapter 46

__**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Durarara!**

* * *

_[Shizuo]_

I finished talking and was somewhat surprised to see that Izaya had actually bothered to listen, and not just listen, he almost seemed like he was seriously thinking about what I had said. That was first for me, Izaya had never bothered to take anything I said seriously, and actually I had begun to doubt that he was capable of taking anything seriously.

I watched as something passed through his features and he slowly drew his hands off the keyboard and ducked his head again. I was waiting for a snarky retort, but it never came.

"Oi…Izaya, don't have anything to say on that matter?"

He didn't even bother to look up, just pushed away from his desk and spun so that he was facing out the window, and so his black leather chair masked his figure. I sighed, typical of Izaya to run away from stuff again.

Walking over to his desk again, I walked around his chair so that I was facing the raven haired man. I had expected…something. But there was nothing written on his expression, no tears, no anger, no laughter; his empty gaze slid past me and into the realms of nothingness. Then, slowly he raised his injured wrist up to his eye level and gazed at it in a drunken fashion before drifting into hysterical laughter. It was that maniacal laugh that usually annoyed the heck out of me, usually because he was laughing at me and some prank that had gone flawlessly well. This time it wasn't directed at me, in fact I don't think it was directed at anything specific. That weird freak persona of his was Izaya's way of getting through things easily, sort of like his twisted form of deep breathing.

"Ne, Shizu-chan?"

I figured that it would be best to treat that like a rhetorical question since his gaze was still on his wrist.

He stood up and stood in front of the window, twisting to see his reflection at different angles.

"Everyone keeps saying the same thing over and over and over again. It's getting annoying you know? I heard you all the first time. But you know…" He walked away from the window and over to his desk picking up a paper weight, testing it in his palm, "It really isn't my fault that nothing I do EVER makes me GOOD ENOUGH!" He launched the paper weight past my head and into the window it hit was a loud clang and then hit the floor with a 'THUMP'.

He kept yelling and picked up something else, tossing it at the widow. I hoped he wasn't actually trying to hit me because he was horribly off. I finally reached out to stop him when he picked up his phone and went to throw it; I didn't want to have him complaining about that later. I grabbed his arm causing him to finally look up and remember that I was still actually there. I was paying special attention not to hold him too firmly, mentally cringing at the last time we had been in this position.

"Look, I can't even understand what you're saying when you yell that that. Plus trashing your own stuff really isn't very proactive; take it from someone who knows." I felt Izaya's body relax a little beneath my grip and let go of his arm.

He lowered his phone to the desk top and his gaze slipped past the mess of dented objects in front of the window before resting downwards. His fist clenched and unclenched, he was a lot better at calming down then I had ever been.

"Aren't you suppose to be the one with barbaric anger issues. Everything is just falling apart more and more. This is so _anoyinng_!" He slammed his hand down on the desk. I heard his knuckles cracking as he flexed his hand.

"You're going to bruise yourself like this."

"Ahh of course." He responded with a creepier than usual voice, "Shizu-chan is lucky with this monster body he doesn't have to worry about stuff like this. You know, I really hate this body. I just want everything to be perfect."

* * *

I don't know if anyone still reads this. But you all deserve an award for sticking with me through these sporadic updates


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